confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
confused
5
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 1:22pm

So there are some maintenance men in our office building doing some painting today. Evidently they are regualrs here b/c everyone knows them. They've been attempting to flirt with me all day. I'm not interested.

On my way to lunch I see that they are waiting for the elevator so I take the stairs. They say "Why take the stairs when the elevator is right here?" I smile and say politely "It's faster"

I walk out of the building about 30 seconds before they do, right as I am dialing my soon-to-be-ex-husband's phone number b/c he likes for me to call him everyday on my way to lunch. They shout "It's not that much faster" and I say "Not too much".

My ex answers and says "Who are you talking to?" "No one. Just somebody I work with." He hangs up on me.

I call him back and he says that if I can't tell him who I'm talking to then he doesn't want to talk to me. I said "I don't even know their name." He hangs up again.

I call him back again. I asked him why he was being such a prick to me. He says he doesn't have time to talk to me. I tell him, in a rather elevated tone of voice, that I don't deserve for him to treat that way. And then I explain to him what happened. He said "Was it a guy?" I said yes. He hangs up again.

I call him. His phone is turned off. I leave an angry message repeating the fact that I do not deserve to be treated this way. That I have done nothing wrong. And that I am tired of him abusing me. (What I mean by abuse is the manipulation).

I am so tired of him making me feel like I have done something wrong when I have not. He has always done this to me. Even when we were together. If I talk to anyone else he has always wanted who and what was said and how often we talk and it always makes him angry, even if it's a female. Usually when I am telling him about a female friend he will accuse me of lieing and assume it's actually a male friend or that this female friend is going to hook me up with a guy or all we do is sit and bash him. I don't understand why b/c nothing like that has ever happened.

I don't deserve to be made to feel like I am doing something wrong b/c someone else was looking at me. Why do I have to be punished b/c someone else was looking at me? What exactly was he trying to accomplish by treating me that way when it was not my fault and frankly no one, not even those guys, did anything out of line. Can someone please tell me what he was hoping to accomplish?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
In reply to: smp91384
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 1:43pm

IMO, he was trying to accomplish his control he has over you.

5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
In reply to: smp91384
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 6:23pm

My XH used to do that same thing to me. He wanted me to call when I went to lunch. If I went with someone, he wanted to know who. If he called and I didn't answer, he'd throw a fit and leave me very nasty messages. And when he was the least bit angry, he'd hang up the phone on me and then turn his phone off. Once, I hung up on him and turned my phone off, and XH left his job to come to my office to start a fight.

Anyway, one thing I've learned, he has no right to know where you are every minute of the day. You're an adult. You can go to lunch with whomever you want. You can speak to passersby if you wish. The entire conversation he had with you and having you call him everyday as you leave for lunch and hanging up on you and turning off the phone... all of it is just him trying to gain more control over YOU.

You have every right to be ticked about the whole thing. Hang in there.

LAF

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2003
In reply to: smp91384
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 8:04pm

He likes to treat you this way. You keep going back for more so there's no need for him to stop treating you that way.

He treats you poorly and then hangs up on you and you call him back time and time again. Just like reinforcing bad behavior.

Has it crossed your mind to break up with him forever?

Or do you hope that if you repeat to him that you don't deserve to be treated that way that he'll stop?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
In reply to: smp91384
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 9:09pm

Hi hon, welcome.


Someone else brought up the no contact thing.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-1997
In reply to: smp91384
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 3:19pm

Rather than being confused about his behavior towards you, just chalk this up as another reason why he's your STBX.

Remember, no contact is by far your best defense against his crap and game-playing.

Heymum