The Continuum of Violence
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 10-13-2004 - 12:35pm |
Verbal/Emotional Abuse: This abuse is the glue that holds the other types of violence together. Many battered victims describe the emotional abuse as worse than the physical abuse because it never stops. It is the constant barrage of abuse -- name calling, asserting that the victim is crazy, or fat, or ugly, or a bad mother (or father), or no one else would want the victim -- that makes the victim feel inadequate and guilt-ridden. It is like being between a rock and a hard place. No matter what the victim does, the batterer will never be satisfied .
Destruction of Property/Pets: Batterers often destroy their victim’s personal belongings. Their real message is, “I can do the same thing to you”. Watch for pet abuse as well. There is a strong correlation between pet abuse and domestic violence. In 1998, 71% of battered women in a shelter who owned a pet reported that their abusive male partners had threatened to harm or had actually harmed the family pet. By targeting things that are of personal importance to the victim (such as their deceased mother’s china or the beloved family dog), the abusers are making implicit threats to the victims’ safety without ever having to lay a hand on the victim. Quite often, the abuser will harm the pet in front of the whole family.
Single Strike: Oftentimes, the first time that a batterer lays a hand on their victim, it will be one single strike, to show the victim that “they mean business.” The first, single “strike” may be a push, a punch, a slap, etc. Victims are usually not scared enough at this point to call the police (because, since this is the first physical contact made, many victims believe that this will be just an isolated incident), so very few of these incidents will ever be reported. Unfortunately, the next stage is…
Physical Violence/Abuse: This violence includes all types, from a push to an aggravated assault. Attacks may vary form a single strike or multiple strikes. Once the primary “single strike” stage of the continuum has past, physical beatings may become more frequent and severe. Physical abuse may also be combined with…
Sexual Violence/Abuse: The victim is forced to have sex or to engage in types of sex that she (or he) doesn't want. Victims rarely volunteer this information. It is more prevalent than was formerly thought. Victims often do not consider themselves raped by someone, with who they have been previously intimate, even though they have forced them into sex. As with pet abuse, perpetrators may do these acts in front of the children, as a means of humiliating the victim. In some cases, the abuser will videotape these acts as a means of blackmailing (controlling) their victim into complete submission.
National averages say that it takes a domestic violence victim 6-8 times before they leave for good. It is always wise to encourage a victim to leave an abusive relationship. However, when a victim does make the decision to leave, that is the time that an abuser is most likely to become lethal.
Stalking: Abusers often follow their exes as a means of controlling them even after they have left the relationship. This is their way of saying, “You will always be mine; I will always be in your life, whether you like it or not.” Many victims do not report being stalked because they are afraid that they will be viewed as crazy or because they feel that maybe they are crazy and imagining things. Many victims will even return to their abusers at this stage because they feel that things are hopeless, that they never will fully rid themselves of this person.
Murder or Murder/Suicide: If the abuser feels that none of his previous means of control have worked on his victim, he will execute what is in his mind the ultimate means of control: killing his victim. Oftentimes, the victims’ children are also included in the abusers ultimate act. Very frequently, the abuser will then commit suicide. A large number of DV-related homicide victims never reported any kind of abuse to anyone.

Mama Harmony