controling

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
controling
8
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 11:33am
I was wondering if anyone else was in a controlling realationship?
Not aloud to talk to anyone?
My fiance always makes it to where hes right,and he actually makes since while were arguing about it,so I let it go.
Am I suppost to go the rest of my life without contact from anyone other than my family?
Or is it jealousy,and it will someday go away?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2005
In reply to: jenna101204
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 12:57pm
It is not right and I will say (advise) to get out BEFORE you get any further involved. I am in a controlling marital relationship. It is NOT fun. Do not think that he will change. Please, don't make my mistake. I barely have contact with family at this point.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
In reply to: jenna101204
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 1:01pm

Hi Jenna, welcome -


I'm really glad you found us.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
In reply to: jenna101204
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 1:02pm

First of all welcome to the board Jenna.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
In reply to: jenna101204
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 1:33pm
It won't go away, it will get worse. Every one of us has a right as a person to have contact with our family and with who ever else we choose. That is a basic human right. He is trying to deprive you of that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
In reply to: jenna101204
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 1:56pm

Hi Jenna!

Read and listen to the posters here that answer you. We are all right. This won't change. It's a trait of an abuser. Whether it's physical or emotional abuse, it's still abuse.

My STBX was emotionally abusive. It started with him picking and chosing my friends. I ended up with one friend left. We had been friends since 1st grade, many years ago. Thank goodness I still have her. After he picked my friends, then it got to my family. At one point I didn't speak to my brother for years because of him. The past few years he would just complain about my family.

It doesn't get any better. Get out. I haven't read the book yet that everyone is posting about, but I plan to.

My divorce will be final Monday. I left last May. I am SOOOOOOOOOOO happy now that I am out of that control and I AM IN CONTROL!!!

Keep posting, keep in touch. This board helped me tremendously.

Freedom (aka Makesmehappy2004)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
In reply to: jenna101204
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 3:14pm

YAAAA-HOOOOOOEY!


Good for you!

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
In reply to: jenna101204
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 4:22pm

I'll be sure to be here on Tuesday! It's been a short, long road with more bumps ahead, I'm sure. What counts is I'm HAPPY!!!! I'm ME!!! I'm in control! I love the freedom to do what I want to do, when I want to do it, how I want to do it, with who I want to do it. I love the FREEDOM!

I started out as "makesmehappy2004" because of someone else that made me happy. I was vulnerable and looking for happiness from anywhere. That phase is gone and I'm trying to forget about the emotional attachment I had that made me happy. Now I concentrate on ME and how I can make ME happy. Nobody else can make ME happy; only me. So as of Tuesday, I will be Free. I'm trying to forget "makesmehappy".

When I posted to this board, probably about a year ago, I didn't know what I wanted or what my life was all about. I can only say to all of you how much you helped me (as tears come to my eyes). I never realized I was being "abused". I always thought abuse just came in the form of physical. DAH!! As I continued to post and tell my life, I realized I was enduring emotional and verbal abuse. I always had thought that that's how I was supposed to live. I was never happy. I would cry so many times by myself. Nobody ever new the life I lived. Everyone was shocked when I left. I put up such a facade. I never realized how many other people are in the same sort of situation. The typical "he's a nice guy, doesn't beat me, provides for me financially, is a good father, BUT...............!" As soon as I started to feel better about myself (after seeking therapy) and starting to do for myself, he didn't like it. When I started to get a LIFE, he didn't like it. I knew then what I was in. My DD didn't like it either, and still doesn't, but she's a teenager. She's a child and we'll make it. She'll understand some day.

I keep in touch with one of the posters. She lives not all that far from me. I can't remember everybody's name that has helped me here, but to ALL of you. THANK YOU!!! I wish I could post a number of those little champagne glass icons, because I'd toast to all of you.

Thank you ever so much.

Freedom

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
In reply to: jenna101204
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 6:02pm

Hi Jenna

<< Am I suppost to go the rest of my life without contact from anyone other than my family? >>

...No, he has no right to control you. He is supposed to be your equal partner, not your superior.

<< Or is it jealousy,and it will someday go away? >>

Jealousy is part of the pattern of control. Jealousy is not a good sign either.
The abuse will only stop if he acknowledges he is wrong....seeks help...takes positive steps to change his behaviour. As part of this process, he would accept that for him to stop abusing you, you do not need to change. It will not 'just go away someday' on its own.

Do you feel safe using this domestic abuse message board? Does he have access to your PC?

Take care x