Could I be the cause as to why I get hit
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Could I be the cause as to why I get hit
| Tue, 01-18-2005 - 11:02am |
Okay here is a rundown of my past relationships... I have had three prior physically abusive relationships (two of them got to the point where the police had to be involved)... & now my current boyfriend exudes many of the same qualities... & up until last night it had been only verbal... but last night he snapped & I got the repercussions... (I would have had law enforcement involved but he lied to me & told me he had already called them) and after he did what he did he completely lost it & broke down... but after he calmed down he acted as if nothing happened at all... MY QUESTION IS... does anyone think it could be me that causes this... that I provoke my boyfriend into using physically force against me... because this is the fourth boyfriend that has physically harmed me... (I have had healthy relationships also)... but honestly I am starting to believe that I drive these guys to be this way... does anybody have any insight as to think IT IS ME???? or do you think I just happen to attract these types of guys... I am about to my wits end... because I can't deal with all this... & if it is me than I plan on going & getting help to gain wisdom as to what I do that causes myself bodily harm... please anyone if you could give me advice or anything at all please do because I don't know what to do anymore...

First thing you need to do is get out now before it gets worse. The other thing you should do is visit the Codendency/Love addicts board too. It is suprizing to find that most of the time women in abusive relationships are codependents. That is why you feel like you keep picking the wrong man cause you are. You man does the classic thing of beat you, cry say I am sorry, and then act as if nothing happend. Or worse is they blame you. It is not your fault he hit you it was his choice to do so, but it is your choice to let him. You have a choice to get out and leave him and not get with another man up till you work on you. You do paly a part in the abusive cycle in not owning your own feelings and letting someone walk all over you. And in your case as with most abusers he most likely is a narcissist. I am suprized my bf has not hit me yet, he is just verbally and emotionally abusive and I am getting out, my plan is to move by March 1st.
It is not your fault for him hitting you, but it is your fault for staying around to let him do it again. Don't beleive a word he says, he is lying no matter what, he does not want to lose his supply to his ego(you) so he will tell you what he thinks you want to hear then in a few days, weeks, months, he will go back to the normal abusive way he is. And then the cycle will start all over again. If you still don't want to leave yet check out some sites on Narcissitic Personality Disorder and Abusive men. Google it, and start reading all you can. Then eventually you will see that is most likely what you have. Then read up on Codependents and Love Addicts and you will see that is probablly see you fall in that catagory too.
Good luck
Jenn
No, you are not the problem. Your boyfriend has a problem. The abuser is likely to brainwash, blame and point fingers at you. The abuser does not like to discuss issues with you. Since he has abused you, he will keep acting like nothing is wrong. Leave him for the safety for yourself, children and family.
I am pretty sure you have a good heart, and do deserve better. Keep your head up and be safe.