counseling problem/false allegation

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2005
counseling problem/false allegation
6
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 8:57am
I have an 11 year old, and I've been taking her to DV counseling for 1 year. I spanked her hand two times and it left a redness on the hand. It was reported by one of the DV counsel's to the state as a bruise on the hand two weeks later. I took her to the doctor the next day for something else totally unrelated, and he did not notice any bruise, and we are talking about an alleged bruise on the hand, an unusual place for a bruise and one that would be noticed with a complete physical exam by a doctor-and she did have a complete physical exam. She also saw her other counselor two days later after the incident as well as her dentist the next day as well as teachers,etc. and none of these people saw any bruise. I talked to the counselor that reported it and she's convinced she saw a bruise, despite the fact that she didn't report it for two weeks and that's plenty of time for your memory to become distorted, despite all these other people that didn't see a bruise and despite my daughter who says she never had a bruise just redness to where I slapped her hand. The child protective worker never saw a bruise of course, but I'm not sure that helps since it was two weeks later and that's plenty of time for a bruise to heal.The first counselor actually broke the law if she claims I bruised my kid and she didn't report it for two weeks, two weeks is plenty of time for serious harm to come to a kid from a truly dangerous parent,and she is totally negligent for waiting two weeks. If she reported it immediately, she'd be shown to be mistaken since in my state they must investigate within 24 hours and bruises don't heal that fast, and since there was no bruise, I'd be cleared, had she did her job in a proper way.I've gotten legal advice, I've been told nothing will happen, but I will fight if something does, because I have spanked my children and I have never left a bruise on any of them.It makes me so mad to have false things said about me. I should have learned my lesson, this agency looks for things to be wrong. They told me I had my daughter doing too much around the house and helping with her siblings, when I talked to people IRL and on the 10/11 yr old board at ivillage and what I was asking her to do was the same as everyone else and less than some. Then they also suggested she needed medication, when her other counselor and plus a visit to a psychologist said she didn't. I have a pretty good idea of what to do, but I just wanted some feedback. Would anybody go back to that DV agency if you were in my situation?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 1:00pm

Hi -


To be perfectly honest with you, I'm not quite sure this is the board you should be posting on.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2005
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 1:50pm
Well, I did let the investigator know of all the other people who had contact with my child in those immediate days including her doctor,her orthodontist, her other counselor, her teachers. I am not going to take this. But I feel my question did in a way relate to DV because this involved a DV agency where I was taking my child for DV counseling. I just wanted feedback on what others would do regarding going back to this agency if they were in that situation, not so much feedback on the false accusations problem.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2005
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 1:52pm
Oh yeah forgot to add me and my children are victims and survivors of DV.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2005
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 2:04pm
I don't know what happened to my other messages, but I will repost. Me and my children are victims and survivors of DV. My question wasn't really about the false allegations, it was more about specifically if something like that happened to you, what would be your thoughts on returning to that DV agency(that made the original allegations)? My dilemma is I do want my daughter to get help, but I am not sure if that particular agency is the place to get it. I've looked into other DV counseling in my area and the closest one is 1 1/2 hours away, which is not realistic in my situation. So it's this one or nothing, that's what I would like some feedback on if anybody has any thoughts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 2:57pm

Thanks for the clarification:


IMO, and this is just me, I wouldn't return to that particular place.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2005
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 3:17pm
Thanks for your reply. I was already 99% sure that I wouldn't be going back there. She is already seeing a private non DV counselor. That will have to be enough. I have called the national DV number and the closest place is 1 1/2 hours, not doable with an 11 year old and 2 toddlers, and all the extracurricular activities between the three of them. I actually called to speak to her supervisor(who also coincidence coincidence spoke with my child the day in question and did not see any bruises).Her supervisor said she did not see any bruising but she may not have been looking that carefully. She also said that I should be glad that they waited two weeks to report me because that gave the bruises a chance to heal and now the proof against me is gone. So if I was a dangerous mom, giving the proof or bruises a chance to heal before reporting me does not help my children, it actually puts my children in danger, as well as breaking the mandated reporter law. Reporting immediately would have cleared me because the investigator would have came to see my daughter in 24 hours as is the law and could have seen there were no bruises for herself. And I wouldn't be under this cloud of suspicion. Thank God my daughter just happened to have a doctor appointment the very next day. Then like I said there were also the past incidences when they said I was placing too much household responsibility on my daughter when so many people IRL and on the 10/11yr old message boards here at ivillage said they were doing the exact same thing, and the comment about needing to medicate her,when neither her regular counselor nor a phychologist agreed. I should have gotten away from them then. I think with your experience with the DV agency, that sounds very controlling. We as domestic violence survivors just got out of very controlling situations, and I don't see how it helps anyone to be told you are going to biweekly counseling and have the appointment made for you. That's just taking away your personal control and your choices. I still haven't figured out what was wrong with the counseling I had my daughter in, but I think part of it was they were always looking to find things wrong. Like they couldn't accept that I got out of a very bad situation and now I had a peaceful happy stable home and I was taking care of my kids. Like there had to be something wrong with either me or my kids or my home.