counseling question

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
counseling question
6
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 10:14pm
This is for those of you who have been through DV counseling at a DV shelter or agency. I take my daughter to children's group counseling. They require me to attend group for women as well. I just get so mad and depressed listening to the women in the group. They are there to get help, but they tell stories of how their children are suicidal or pulling out their hair or hurting themselves physically or destroying things. And I am talking about preschool and school age children, not teens. But they continue to stay with these men. One woman is downright abusive to her children herself. By the things that come out of her own mouth. She talks down to her children, has no empathy for them, hits them and complains that the state took them once because she bruised one so bad that the entire thigh was bruised. Like what did you want the state to do-let the kids stay with you so you could kill one next time? Another one had her son's leg broken by her boyfriend when he was only 4 pounds-she's still with him and wondering why she can't get her son back. Another one had her twelve year old sexually molested by a family member and didn't see the need to pull her out of that situation-she did, but she had other things to take care of first. This is the crap I have to listen to in order for my child to get help. I am pretty sure the right answer is to be an adult, go through this B.S. on a regular basis and deal with it for the sake of my daughter.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 1:19am

God, how awful.

CL-Blueliner4

Avatar for itsgoodtobeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 1:29am
Well maybe if you could try to help these people instead of just listening to them you might find a new purpose. It is so wonderful that you are going through it for your dd. No one more than I understand the frustration of whiny women. I'm not sure I could listen to all of it and not say something like what are you thinking. I don't understand why anyone would pick a man over their child and it just makes me mad. Maybe they don't realize just because they are or were treated that was it is not ever okay to treat anyone that way espcially your children. Maybe you might want to go to the home page I think there is a wonderful think called children learn what they live. I know it used to be there and print it out and hand it to them all. My kids tell me when I yell too much, which I apperiate. Sometimes it is annoying but I'm happy that they can tell me that too. They trust me enough to tell me what I might not want to hear. HUGS and Prayers to you dear.>Jo
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 8:54am
I will talk to them. But it doesn't bother me that the women stay, they are adults. It bothers me that children who have no choice are getting suicidal or acting out pretty bad or the mothers are actually directly abusing them. The children is what gets to me. But I will talk to them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 8:59am
No you aren't allowed to help anyone-one of the group rules is no advice giving. I don't know how else I could help, at this point I am so mad at what they are allowing to be done to their children or actually abusing their children, that I can't say anything constructive. I am not a counselor or a teacher. I have no patience for stuff like this. If I post I can skip a post when it's too much for me, or when I'm watching tv I can change the channel but when I'm stuck in that room(there is another rule that you can't leave during the group)-I just get madder and madder. Those are my feelings, and not everyone is cut out to be supportive of others in this situation. Group is not for everyone. It's just a shame that they can't take people's individual needs into account.
Avatar for itsgoodtobeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 01-14-2005 - 10:16pm
Dear I feel for you. I don't think. Well, I'm sure I could not sit there and just listen to all of that and not put my two cents in. You have more patience than I dear. This is one of the reasons I never went. It is sad that you have to go in order for your kids to get help but says much about who you are and that is a wonderful person. HUGS and Prayers to you dear.>Jo
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 1:47pm
Thank you so much. It's good to know I'm not the only one having a bad experience with this.