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| Tue, 09-19-2006 - 5:19pm |
Ok, I'm back from counseling. I don't know what I expected but I felt like I just went on and on and on with the counselor and didn't get much feedback from her. The most disturbing thing she said was about my 2 year old son. He was absolutely wild so she put him in a play room that had glass window. She watched him for a while and he went into a little bit of a frustrated rage. She got up and went to the other room and intervened and calmed him down. Then she asked me if I was worried about my children. This was after I had told her about some of the physical and all of the verbal abuse from H. I said I was worried because my son is so angry and I didn't know how much was just normal little boy frustration at age 2 and how much was abnormal. She didn't answer. My feelings about that and my whole story of the marriage and how I'm feeling were all over the place. I asked her to help me sort out my feelings and just help me. I said I wanted out of the marriage and didn't have a plan. She said we could work on a plan. But she kept saying "I hear you saying X which leads me to think you have not totally given up on the marriage". I told her I am scared. I am scared to leave--I need a plan and how that will look and I am scared to tell H I am leaving. I am scared of what people will think. I am scared of how big a change it is. I'm scared of leaving my children alone with H (which I told the counselor). I am just scared of the unknown. Like what if I'm not happier on my own?
Oh and by the way....H is gone on a business trip this week and refused to tell me where he was going, who he was going with or when he'd be back. I did ask but got told "it's none of your business---you don't care anyway". I didn't ask again. I think he left sometime on Monday (since he wasn't home Monday night) and had the nerve to ask if I'd gone to the bank to get him any money for the trip. No. He then whined that because I didn't do that he'd have to break into his "mad money" stash. WAAAAAAA!!!!!! So anyway, he hasn't even called to check on the kids. What a schmuck.
