Court date 4/5 . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Court date 4/5 . . .
6
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 10:14am
My first court date is this coming Monday to discuss child support and hopefully get him to make the house payment. I'm very nervous. I haven't had the energy to get together all my papers. He is self-employed and hides a lot of money, so proof of income is going to be hard to prove. I have found money several times he has hidden from me, and I have a few things showing where he took large amounts of money out when he made a deposit. Hopefully, that can sway the judge. Please say a great big prayer for me this weekend.

This has been a terrible week. My son came back home, but I know things could explode with him at any time. H (or should I say STBH?) is denying and keeping up his lies. I am so upset about his lies that it is 'eating me up'. How do I get over this?

Hugs,

Jackie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 12:00pm

Use your frustration as a motivator.

CL-Blueliner4

Avatar for ples62
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 6:54pm
Hey Jackie,

I'm not sure that I'll be of any help, but I will put in plenty of wishes, prayers, and good vibes for you all weekend long for things to go smoothly for you. Remember to breath! That may sound funny, but when you feel stressed, breath, think about your breathing. It will distract you for a minute while you gather your thoughts. Jackie - you can do this. I know you've been together a long time, but now - it is your time. Your time to make this choice a reality then to move on to the wonderful things that are waiting for you around the corner.

The only things I can think of is to ask any and all questions to your lawyer that you can think of. Perhaps you could contact the local dv center or even call the national number and ask if there is anything in particular you should be doing or gathering at this time. I know that one time when I talked with the national hotline number they said they could provide basic legal help.

hang in there,

I'm thinking of you.

Pam

Avatar for azmommy35
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 11:21am
~~~~many positive thoughts and much support your way. This is a very stressful process; especially given an uncooperative and deceptive opponent. It was very difficult for me to switch modes from Husband to Opponent (i.e. Enemy). But he was. That's what divorce/custody can do. Given the fact that one of the parties is abusive, it can often create a battlefield. I often felt like I was at war during the process. Sometimes I still do. I am right here with you in spirit, pulling for you and offering you a bit of strength for the ordeal that lie ahead. The freedom on the otherside will hold many wonderful and worth while promises. Remember the "unwritten rules" of the court -- respect the judge (your goal is to have him or her "like" you. Keep in mind the element of human nature where people who like each other generally help each other). Do not get overly emotional -- this is not therapy, but a court of law. Bring your facts, not your emotions. Do not address the opposition directly; everything is addressed through the attornies (you confer with yours and then he/she will present the material to the court or the opposition). Except for direct interrogatories by the Judge or your attorney, you do not have to answer questions from STBX. Establishing a spending history (credit card/bank staements/investment accounts, recipts for cash purchases, etc.. AND your budget will be weighed in accordance to his income. Last three (3) years W2s (his) would be nice to have; deposits into any bank accounts or withdrawals (as you mentioned). Remember, also, that this is just to reach temporary orders on bills, etc..so consider what is most imporatnt for you to accomplish and ask your attorney to make sure you get those elements first (i.e., the mortgage paid, most all of the bills, his auto payment, the current family debt, and a contribution toward montly living expenses (1/3-1/2). Good eye contact with the Judge is always important. Mostly, just be reasonable. This is almost always the prevailing the party in a courtroom -- reasonable people get reasonable results. That's the goal anyway. Gentle hugs dear.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 6:57pm
Jackie,

Gentle hugs and a warm beverage along with a snuggly blanket for you. I will be thinking of you an saying a prayer so you have the strength to do this. You can do this. You are such a strong person. Just do the best that you can with your son. That is all that you can do. I am sorry that I dont have any answers for you but know that I am thinking of you and praying for you.

Take care of yourself lady.

Hugs,

Ree

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 1:17am

Jackie, I'm not going to pretend to know what to do about the financial aspects of all this.

Peace and hugs,

Cheryl =)

The minute you settle for less than you

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 10:37am
I'm sorry I waited too long to respond to your post.