Cracks, cracks, and more cracks

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Cracks, cracks, and more cracks
12
Fri, 12-21-2012 - 12:20pm

We had our hearing on Wednesday.  It seems that EVERYTHING with our case has fallen through the cracks. The last thread I wrote, I had hired a new attorney, because my previous had failed to file the "emergency" hearing. That really screwed us here. We also had a 'stand in' judge, because our assigned judge is on leave for cancer treatment. Even though we heard from CPS, and their findings of physical and emotional ABUSE against my children, the judge said had to honor and respect the previous judges visitation (unsupervised). Even though the previous did not have ANY info from CPS because they had NOT closed their case as of that date. Thier Dad gave up Christmas as we were trying to work out a Christmas schedule.  My oldest also has an out now, he doesn't have to go, has to tell the people where we do exchanges, BUT as of today we still don't have the order. :/ I do not understand. 

 

Pages

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Fri, 12-21-2012 - 8:52pm

Jcsmom, it pains me so much that this happened to you.  I wish I could say this is an unusual thing, but unfortunately, it isn't.  The judge who was sitting in for the regular judge was just marking time and filling in. You can bet that a lot of people will have life altering decisions put off by this same judge.  Have you had a chance to let your new attorney know about a guardian ad litem for the kids?  Having your eldest be able to decide whether to attend visitation or not has got to be hard, for both of you, because I know that deep down inside s/he is worried about the younger kids going over there without the protection they provide to some degree.  The best you can do until a GAL gets assigned and this can be properly addressed is just prepare the kids, develop a simple safety plan for them while they're on visitation and do the best you can to get through it.  Be sure and document any things the kids might say on returning or if they are behaving in a significantly different manner.  Also be sure to give them a good going over for any unexplained bruises, marks, anything that may be of concern to you.  I know this is hard, but you can't give up.  Your kids are too important.  This is why I am constantly harping about education of the judicial and justice systems.   

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Sat, 12-22-2012 - 1:28pm
I suggested a GAL, my attorney said the Ex would contest the expense and I may have to pay for it fully. At this time, I had to put my current attorney on a CC,I work part time and on a good month make $600/month. :/ The boys were suppose to have a dinner visit last night. No one currently has this new order in hand because the ex's attorney is dragging her feet on approving it. Our safe place of exchange, cancelled the visit while we were there because of the emotional turmoil the boys were in. I had let my oldest know of the new order Thursday. It is terrible. My youngest DOES NOT want to go without the protection of his big brother. My oldest is worried about my little one being alone. I have been in fear since last evening myself of what the ex may do, because I know he was livid that the visit was cancelled last minute, and he did not find out until he got there to pick them up. I have got up and checked my car to make sure nothing had been done to it. My garage was shot up a couple years ago, and I didn't want to think that he had done something like that, but the same week he was asking for his bullets that he left here, that I had long gotten rid of. I cannot, will not give up. My kids are not safe with this man. He has minimized everything he has done, all his actions. He stores things in his head until he's in the clear then unleashes them. This is very hard and scary.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2012
Sat, 12-22-2012 - 6:03pm

Just wanted you to know that you are doing well.  Stay strong, take the advice and do your best to follow through with your plan.  I understand how hard it is, but I can't imagine your or your kids fear.  I thank the heavens on a regular basis that I never had kids with my ex.  I hope you have resources, allies and a good support system during all of this.  I don't have good advice, just support.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Sun, 12-23-2012 - 10:44am
I need and thank you for the support. I am feeling very defeated, yet am trying to keep cheerful for my kids. I have a support system but everyone is busy right now with Christmas and family.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sun, 12-23-2012 - 1:01pm

Hi;

I read your story and yes it is very disheartening but right you cant give up...

I have no words of wisdom except are there any support groups near you for single mothers or displaced abused women. I remember I attended a four week displaced program when I left my abusive Ex and it helped me .. Just try and get as much support as you need if not from family then from outside sources like womens groups and the domestic violence agency.. I remember one time when my ex was stalking me I was referred to a battered womens shelter for s upport..

I wish you the best and will be praying for you and your children.. Keep the faith as the angels will surround you and your children and be there to protect them.. I am sure of it..

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Sun, 12-23-2012 - 3:56pm
Freeatlast, you DO have words of wisdom. Your suggestion is a great one and I am trying every resource I am referred to.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Sun, 12-23-2012 - 3:57pm

I am currently on a waiting list for individual counseling at the local DV resource center, and group counseling/support. I'm trying to focus on the here and now, as opposed to next weekend or next month. That is helping a bit. I guess I figure, I can give up for the day. Nothing is happening today. We don't know when the next court date is because of the judge having cancer treatments. It could be a few months, it could be a year, she could pass away, and then what? This is so outrageously unbelievable, but until then, I have my boys the next few days, and we will be as peaceful as we can. Thank you for the words of wisdom (which you DO have). We are currently in the 'waiting game'.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-1998
Mon, 12-24-2012 - 11:58pm

hugs. I have no words to add but wanted to offer some support. I hope your able to find a way to have a Merry Christmas.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-1998
Mon, 12-24-2012 - 11:58pm

hugs. I have no words to add but wanted to offer some support. I hope your able to find a way to have a Merry Christmas.

Avatar for happyasme
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2012
Tue, 12-25-2012 - 10:43am

Hello JCSmom, I hope you are having a peaceful Christmas with your loved ones.  I am also in the 'process' and the 'waiting game'. 

I don't have any advice, pratical or otherwise, I just wanted to offer you some hugs and support.  Just stay focus on the life you want for you and your kids, when you feel your patience slipping.

Happy xxoo

Pages