custody update

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
custody update
5
Fri, 05-20-2005 - 10:22am

I visited the psych today with my son. It was court ordered for determining custody. According to the law, if the parents cannot both agree to joint custody, the court will decide on sole custody for one or the other. Because AHL challenged it, the court must ask a psych to make an assessment on what is best for the child. She spoke with my son, then spoke with me privately. AHL was supposed to show up one hour later. Fifteen minutes before he arrived, the psych suggested I take off with son before, to avoid running into him. She then called and said she wants a second appointment to speak to me again, to him again, and see son with each of us.

So....I guess there are only two ways AHL can swing things in his favour. To convince court that he can offer an environment that is much better than the one my son has now. The one he has been familiar with for nearly two years living at this house. And five years living in this country. The second way is to convince the court that I am an unfit parent.

I think the better environment argument is impossible. Maybe he has a girlfriend in Poland who is rich. She can offer a mansion and ponies to my son. But that wouldn't be his and I wouldn't think would ever be an argument, do you think? He has no job (unless he has been lying), no home (unless it is one for only the last 4 months), no familiar surroundings. I don't think this method is a possibility, what do you think?

The unfit parent one would only fly if he could convince someone of a HUGE lie. I don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs, have a stable job, take son to dentist regularly, attentive, caring, and put him first (making sure not to spoil). What can he say? He does drink, does smoke, does do drugs, doesn't have a job, has neglected to take son to doctor when absolutely necessary, not attentive, puts him last next to his own needs. So the guy would have to lie. What do you think the chances of him suddenly coming up with some wild story about how I party every night, work as a stripe dancer, blah, blah, blah.

Of course I am anxious because he acts like he is sure he will win. Or do you think he knows he won't, but has some other motive? I sure would like to hear some kind words of reassurance. How do these custody things often go with abusers?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
In reply to: hglucky
Fri, 05-20-2005 - 1:01pm

Hang on, I have to run out to the shed to get some more rope for AHL.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: hglucky
Fri, 05-20-2005 - 1:09pm
BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: hglucky
Fri, 05-20-2005 - 1:22pm

I know the TOTAL stress of it. Mine was POSITIVE he was going to get custody from me ... there WAS something in my past that could haev screwed it up. I cant really go into too many details, but - well, the case is over now, so actually i CAN.


Being an RN, i used to do a Pedi homecare case, for NINE years with the same little girl. They adopted her & she was 3, i worked with her till she was 11. She was deaf, trached, g-tubed & handicapped. I was very close to her & she was very unstable healthwise. One time, 3 years ago, she had pnemonia & was very ill. Mom used up all her state allotted nuring hours, by the 3rd week of the month. She wasnt alloted any more nursing

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
In reply to: hglucky
Fri, 05-20-2005 - 3:31pm

Thank you for the kind words. It really did cheer me up.

Rlch, I agree with the GAL. It was clear you did not do it for profit. A little girl needed help. What was wrong with medicaid that they couldn't help provide the assistance that was needed, when it was needed?

I am trying to think about what AHL could use against me, and here is all I can come up with:

I am too protective. I don't let him go swimming alone.

I travel for my job, approx. 60 days last year. No more than 5 days in one trip.
During that time my mother watches my son. I am dropping my travel days down this year to maybe 30 and have a goal of little to no travel in the near future. On the flip side, I am given around 40 days off per year. That is time spent exclusively with my son. I am definitely not absent in my son's life. What kind of argument is this, coming from a guy who is a self proclaimed unemployed AHL and yet can't find the time to see his son more than 2 hours a month, let alone the whining and crying about how he has trouble making the court session dates? What is he doing with his time anyway?

I refused to allow him to see son in December, because he wanted me to drop him off at a church (with people I do not even know) rather than at a social center for supervised visitation. I postponed it until we could find such a center.

And finally something he has already tried to use against me in court: I had an abusive step father when I was 15 to 17 years old. AHL says I was already screwed up when I met him and took it out on him by lying about how he was towards me. The abuse suffered from the step father involved emotional and physical abuse (he hit me once with a beer mug) for two years. But I had pretty much recovered from that when AHL came along. I had started the engineering program at university with not so much as a dime in my pocket. But dagnamit, I was determined to take the world on and succeed. I may have lacked a bit of self confidence where relationships and men were concerned, but I was not screwed up. I think it is very low for an abuser to try to use another abuser's damage as an excuse for being abusive.

Other than those things, he would have to make up some complete lie in order to make me out to be a horrible person. I wouldn't put it above him though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
In reply to: hglucky
Fri, 05-20-2005 - 3:59pm

~R~


I have always said that you are a saint and I believe that now more than ever!

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