Cyan Again
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| Fri, 02-18-2005 - 11:01am |
I have read all your comments... very sobering but EXACTLY what I want to hear: the truth.
First of all, I live in Southern California, if that helps.
Your comments about counseling are disturbing to me. I have read about the power issue just recently and how DV is not about anger but control. When I consider this, I know, deeply understand, there is no hope for my marriage. But it is the truth that I want to hear and that's why I'm posting. Thank you all.
I have had this feeling in my gut that my therapist friend's advice was not spot-on (i.e. anger management, communication issues, etc.). As I've read your posts I realize my instincts, once again, are correct. I am scheduled for individual counseling next Wednesday at a place recommended by the hotline but I do not know if the counselor I'm seeing deals in DV. Should I call and ask the receptionist? (I am so overwhelmed right now... even the smallest dicisons seem huge.)
Another issue that was talked about during my hotline call was work. My husband and I work at the same place although different departments. The hotline person said it is usually recommended to take 30 days off but in my situation it may require leaving all together. I am frightened to uproot my life (an my nine-year-old son's life) so drastically. I know I can do it but I must plan this carefully.
RE: the animals... good advice; I didn't think of animal foster care.
I have a question about shelters... does anybody know if I could utilize one 'after the fact?' By that I mean, say I decide to leave in a month or two; would the shelter still consider me in danger even though no recent abuse has occurred?
I can't thank you all enough for your advice and enlightenment. One day I will give the same back to someone in my situation.
~Cyan

Hi Cyan. Can I ask one question? Do you rent or own and how long have you been with this person?
Sherry
I would definitely call and ask if the counselor specializes in it.
Cyan, as it turns out, you're in my area.
There's a ton of info on the web for the region, not to mention resources at www.womenslaw.org.
CL-Blueliner4
Hi Sherry,
We own a house together; bought it before we married. We have been together nearly three years. We lived together two and were just married last May. (I have 'known' him for over 5 years; we work at the same place.)
The strange thing to me is that the night of our marriae is when things changed. We had this HUGE argument wedding night because he was angry about something and I felt he was not being fair to others (kids). I was shocked and felt like he changed instantly. We had never, ever argued like that before.
Of course, in retropsect, there have been small signs of being an abuser but never anything physical, more emotional in nature. And the control issue... that is still sinking in.
I am concerned because I am deeply tied financially to him. There are bills that I cannot meet without his help although it is joint debt. I know this is not going to come easy. Posting and reading your replies is quite helpful. Thank you.
~Cyan