Daughter is Acting up

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Daughter is Acting up
2
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 3:06pm

Both DDs had their first visitation since xmas with stbx and new supervisor (a licensed counselor) on Monday. According to supervisor he was on his best behavior, but kept trying to cry and had to leave the room (she laid the rules that he was not allowed to show negative emotions in front of the girls including crying, among other rules). My oldest DD (the one who was abused) was happy to visit, but (according to supervisor) came in, kicked off her shoes, said I love you daddy and ran to her bedroom. No hug or kiss. Supervisor said that she seemed to be a little standoffish with him, which she has done with him in the past and he forces the issue until she gives him a hug, but usually loves to give me hugs and kisses without problem. Maybe related to the abuse? But she really loves to see him. Even crying when it was time to leave.

On the way to the house she even brought up how he hit her grandma (the reason I left him in the first place). She has spontaneously brought this up herself whenever talking to him on the phone, now apparently the thought of seeing him brings it up too.

The next day, she starts talking back to me, telling me 'No', refusing to do things, etc. She used to do this after visits in the past, but since it has been a couple weeks since she saw him, she was doing much better. Now she seems to be starting it all over again. Before I just figured it was part of her growing up (she just turned 5) and she was testing me, but now wondering if it is him that is leading to this behavior. I don't think he said anything to her because that was one of the rules too. Her counselor even caught on to it when I said she was being naughty that week, but I told her it was more that she was being a 4 year old. Now I'm wondering...

Any suggestions for how to deal with this attitude? I'm going to bring it up to her counselor on Friday, but want some other suggestions too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 6:41pm

Hey Valerie.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 4:57pm

Thank you! It's really hard to know what to do. I told her that her behaviour was not allowed and the next day she was almost perfect, even helped clean off the dinner table and helped her sister eat, things she doesn't normally do at all.

There's another visitation scheduled for Sunday afternoon (I'll miss part of the Superbowl, but that's not a really big deal for me). I'm a little concerned about what's going to happen afterwards, if she's going to start acting up again or not.

My parents are having some friends over to watch the game and we'll be coming home to that, so she may get it out of her system by showing off for them. Then again, she may save it for the next day.

Her counselor says its hard for her because she loves him, but she fears him. I really wish I could make it all go away and get my wonderful little girl back. We even notice a real difference between her and her younger sister who was taken out of the whole environment at 8 months of age. Younger DD is so happy all the time. Probably because she didn't have to go thru any of the bad stuff.

Any way, wish me luck that DD won't have attitude. I'll be giving her big hugs until the visitation and also after (just like I always do).