DD is having SUCH a rough time ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
DD is having SUCH a rough time ...
2
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 10:52am

She just turned 5. 1st off, she has been really asking me a LOT if i am going to die, & "leave her an orphan". Its so d@mn hard to answer - i just tell her that Mommy & Daddys almost ALWAYS dont die till they are really really old, that we have LOTS of things to do before i die, lets not even talk about it b/c its SO long away, etc. & she usually says "But youre not too old & your Mommy died, SHE wasnt too too old". & of course, the "orphan" idea - i try to reassure her that i am pretty sure nothing will happen to Mommy OR Daddy for a long time, but IF it did, she would never be an orphan b/c she would always have the other parent - & even if she didnt, then Uncle Chris & Patty, & our families, would always take care of her.

So then, the old man, who i was caring for in home care for the past 5-6 months, who she loved, & called "Grampa Phil", he died last week. I just cant bring myself to tell her. I mean, Mike leaving brought up all those feelings of loss of my Mom for her, & now Grampa Phil (not to mention that my Gramma is late 80's, & Mikes parents are both pretty old & frail) .... & NOW, this AM, one of her fish, Princess, died. She was SOBBING. It was so pathetic. & of course, the 1st words out of her mouth were "I need my Dadda". She asked to call him so i did what i did once b4, i said he was at work, but she could leave him a phone message. & i called MY cell & she thought she was leaving it for him. She cried "Daddy, I am sorry to tell you this but Princess, the fish you bought me, died, she was all white & i yelled for Mommy & she came in & said "oh oh" & then i am so sad, please can you come home .... to visit one day? ... i need you" ....

Sh*t. How pathetic is THAT???? My heart is breaking for her. & then we were snuggling on the couch & she was crying & saying "my belly feels so angry & sad" & then she was asking if Paka, out almost 16 yr old cat would die .... & she was sobbing about that, that she is so old, & lots of ? about Heaven & how do i KNOW its so nice if i wasnt ever there - & will we SEE Paka die? & what about Kibo? He's an older doggy. etc, ect.

Oh man, the kid has herself so worked up over death & loss ... i wish so badly i could take all this pain away from her. It is breaking my freaking heart. & i know none of it would be so bad if she had her Daddy. I HATE HIM for what he is doing to her!!!!!!!!!!

& now i am waiting to hear if they granted supervised visitation ... & if it will be granted in time & then Mike will agree to it ... & how soon i can get her to see him.

This is all just too freaking much. R~

Oh, I Ave refused to go see the cousnelor yesterday. I called to tell them she didnt want to go & she said "Yes, i got the feeling last week - (only her 2nd visit) that she was tuning out & becoming uncomfortable when i talked about things. I think that reality is setting in, we dont want to force her to come, so let it be her choice & we will offer again in a few days"

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 1:46pm
I am sorry for what you are going throught and what Avery is going through. The only helpful thing I can add is that my daughter had a different experience with counseling. I am not a counselor of course, but my daughter has an individual counselor, and the focus of the counseling is not talking. The focus is on doing an activity. My daughter was 10 when she started counseling, and every week, she would pick an activity to do with the counselor,like for exapmle play scrabble. Then the counselor uses that activity to do the counseling, but the focus from the child's point of view is never talking, it's always the activity.I think it takes time to get to know a counselor, it isn't an instant process, the first few secessions should be getting to know the child and the child getting to know the counselor. That's how it was for my daughter. I think the counselor is pushing her too hard. I think they just need to play games and have fun, and the counseling will come naturally and at a pace that is right for Avery. That has been my daughter's experience.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 3:02pm
I actually think this is what they do do. She has an office full of toys, & although i never pry or ask Ave what they talked about, she had told me she played w/ the baby dolls, or played house, or checkers, etc. She actually later today, asked to go see her today & i was able to get an appt for 5pm. So, hopefully, it will help her. Thanks, R~

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