DD's college friend staying at our house

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2005
DD's college friend staying at our house
Sat, 06-25-2005 - 8:20am

Hi ladies, haven't had much of a chance to visit things haven't changed, although he has said anything mean for about 2 days. We even went to a movie last night as a family. About the only he commented was that he wondered why my older daughter wasn't laughing at the jokes in the movie, but everyone ignored his comment and it was dropped.
I think as the weekend comes closer he gets in a better mood until something sets him off again. Of course I dread it.

The latest ball I'm jugggling is that my 19 year old DD met a boy at college who had to drop out temporarily for lack of funds and personal family situations. He lives out of our state, (my daughter commuted to school) so when he left school he went back home. Now he wants to return to school in our state but needs a place to stay at while he finds a job and an apartment. Before approaching my husband, my daughter asked me if he could stay by our place, saying that he was very trustworthy and she would never bring anyone into our home that she didn't trust. She also said he and her just had a platonic relationship. She's one of those girl's who've never had a boyfriend, but has had plenty of male buddies, so I believe her when she says that. My DD is very responsible overall for her age. She is 19 and holds down 3 jobs, and is contributing toward half her college education. We've never had problems with her behavior, drinking, or drugs. As a matter of fact she is a recovered bulemic and self-injurer (this occurred in highschool when she did the responsible thing and approached her counselor for help. She voluntarily went thru an intense therapy program and family counseling, which helped her recovery and find out who she is.) So she has proven herself to be very responsible and mature so when she comes to us with something like this I'd like to be as supportive as possible. So as a gesture of my support I said to her that before we commit to having someone stay in our home for an extended period of time, I think it would be best if we met the person first. So this is how she presented her case to my husband, and he too wasn't crazy about the idea but deep down I think he wants to be supportive to her as well. Actually he reacted far worse when she said she was thinking of moving out and renting a place with a girlfriend. He totally blow up over that, but that's another story altogether.

So he is coming on Monday and staying for 4 days. I also told her that her dad and I have not been getting along and that I am visiting a DV place to get support while I figure out what I need to do. I reminded her about her father's episodes and asked her if she really wants to have one of her friends exposed to this type of situation. She said she knew we argued and had problems but didn't realized things had escalated to this point. But I guess we are taking a risk that my husband will try to be on his best behavior, but the outside world sees my husband as a dedicated and wonderful dad, so hopefully he will act that way for the next 4 days.

As for myself, I am nervous about this situation for all the reason I mentioned above, and on top of that I have a 12 year old daughter that will be going through all this as well.

I'd appreciate it if anyone had any thoughts on this situation. Thanks for your help.