Debastated and need some advice
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| Thu, 04-28-2005 - 12:15pm |
Hi, (sorry for my english). I have decided to post a message here because I'm going thru a lot of pain in my marriage and I'm making the desicion of end the relationship. To make the long story more brief. I got married on October last year and since this I have been suffering a lot. Since we got married my husband started changing from day to night. I met him thru the internet on May last year and he seemed the perfect man to live the rest of my life with. He proposed three weeks after we met and I agreed. By that moment I tough I'm 34 years old and never being married waiting for that special someome and I tough I had found it. By the time I met him I just got moved from my country Puerto Rico to the US (Puerto Rico being part of The US and have similar lifestyles). I moved because I needed a change. I resigned from a good job there (I own a bachelor degree) and decided to stat allover again, I also have many relatives to where I moved including my mom wich is my biggest support. By that time I was looking for a job even tough I suffer from a condition that limitates my working capacity, but my husband told me at that time that he would take care of everything and after the marriage we coud decide what to do for me to earn some income but he insisted that I didn't have to work. Well I got married and after hearing so many advices from my family I applied for social security and my husband agreed and said that he was going to be with me in the process. But the truth is that living with him has been HELL. Since the honey moon he started been agressive by yelling at me and throwing on my face that he was in charge of all the expenses and started been very cheap. If I needed something personal like deodorant etc etc He complaints and complaints saying that he wasn't the rich man I tough (I never tough he was rich or try to get advantage of anything) I simply followed what he was saying and knew that I wasn't going to be forever depending completely on his income. But at the same time that he was complaiting over and over he insisted that I followed the application for social security wich I did on December last year and will hear a desicion in about one month (The doctor that saw me from social security said to me that he was going to report that I wasn't able to work). Tru all the marriage my husband has been throwing on my face all the things that he gives me by buying food and giving me shelter ., electric bills etc etc. I have always helped him at his work and do everythig at the house the house is always very clean and I take care of everythig in it.
Two months ago he decided to sell the house because he wanted to buy a house cash and don't have a mortgage payment. So I paited all the house and did all that was required for the house to be appealing for possible buyers. And in two weeks we have to be out of the house cause is sold. I think my husband does not appreciates anything I do. He always says that a marriage is a 50% 50% and I agree with him but that is excatly what I have beeb doing because if it wasn't because of all my help there is no way he would have had the house in shape to be sold.
Any ways the thing is that I have tried everything for this marriage to work but he never change he's way of been mean to me, yelling, saying that I don't do nothing. throwing on my face all that he has invested by living with me . I have even had to go to my mother's house a couple of times cause I can not stand how he treats me.
After I got married to him I found out that his ex wife the second one cause he has two marriages before ours, have even put restriction orders on him bacause he threaten her bu he says that is not true. Even his two children don't want to know nothing about him and because of that he hasn't been paying child support for about three months.
Anyways because of all this I have make the desicion to end the relationship but I need someone to come and pick me up and my things wich I haven't been able to do yet. But I'm desperate in th mean time and getting very deppressed with all the situation I feel like I have make the worst mistake by getting married to him and don't know how to start again and have the strengh to overcome all this. For that I will like to hear from you some advice or words that can make me feel better on this situation, desperately waiting to hear from you.

He has all the traits of an abuser. He sucked you in with his charming ways and swept you off your feet. Usually a whirlwind romance is typical with these guys, they can't be good for very long. Then when he has you, you have a chance to see how he really is, and can't get away. That's how they work. I bet you this is how it was with his first, and second wife. I bet there is a pattern there.
You've already been married a short time and you are already completely miserable. Do you really want to invest even one more day with this man?? There are no children involved I assume, no ties to him. If I were in your shoes? I would be on the first plane back to Puerto Rico, far away from this man, in the comfort of your family and friends there where you would be safe. I wouldn't waste any more of my life with this man who is making life miserable. This man has a pattern of this behavior. If you talked to his first and second wife, they would tell you the same thing. This is who he is. He won't change.
If you decide to leave, be very careful. When you make your decision, don't give him any indication, on your decision to leave. Plan very carefully, and leave at a time when he is gone. If you leave, don't look back. It could be very dangerous. When a woman decides to leave a man like this, she has to be very careful. Her life could be in danger. I wish you luck, and all the best for you. Keep posting, we are here for you. Hugs.
¡Hola, flower!
CL-Blueliner4
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CL-Blueliner4
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