Is DH getting violent? Maybe TMI sexlife
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| Sat, 04-08-2006 - 4:28am |
My husband and I have been married for almost a year. During our entire relationship (friendship and romance) he has been nothing but gentle and kind (even when I've tried to anger him to violence, which I am ashamed of). But also during this time, I developed a slight interest in certain sexual acts, like little hits, tying up, etc. At first, dh was reluctant, but now seems to like it, so long as its in sex.
I have been in previous violent relationships. My father and brother were also somewhat abusive throughout my childhood. So I've always been slightly skittish around DH, which annoys him at times b/c he'd never hurt me.
Well, over the past couple of months he's been a bit more...violent. He gets angrier easier and yells more. A couple of weeks ago we were in the car and he threw his fries at the windshield (he was driving.) Then when he question me on something and I got mad and tried to walk outside for a smoke, he grabbed me by the arm rather tightly. He did it again a few minutes later. He apologized for both things and we both agreed it was probably due to stress (his mother and I don't get along and were in a sort of power struggle over my DD (born in Feb), which he was in the middle of.
Well, tonight we were at a friend's house playing a game and he kept saying mean things about me like "You know she isn't trying" and "She sucks at this" and "Come *on* darlin!" and I wasn't even on his team!! So I started to get irritated and would pop him in his male spot. It was immature of me, but I felt uncomfotable asking him to stop in front of people and didn't know how else to ask him to stop. Then, after the second time I popped him, he looked at me (smiling, but I could tell it was an angry and trying to hide it smile) and punched me in the leg, really hard. I have a bruise from it.
Is he getting a bit too violent?? What should I do? (other than stop hitting him in the balls)

You are embarrassed to ask your husband to stop needling you in public, but have no difficulty hitting him in his genitals? I'm at a loss.
Anytime your husband says unkind things, grabs you, and especially when he hurts you physically, he is behaving badly, and there will be a lot of very intelligent women along presently to tell you more about that. However, you are not blameless here. If your husband should not hit you, then you shouldn't hit him, either.
Since you grew up with an abusive father, I am wondering if you regard abusive behavior as an acceptable form of attention, on some level, and if you are riding your husband until he displays the behaviors you're expecting. I don't know if that even makes sense, psychologically, but I DO know that the two of you need to improve your communication skills.