DH will not stop finding fault with DS
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DH will not stop finding fault with DS
| Tue, 04-13-2004 - 10:54pm |
Annoyed is more the proper emotion. Alot of people have seen me on here often - I come here to vent. I'm hoping ds will be going to college the first of June - he's gotten a student workship working on a university farm. Granted, he should not be coming in the house at 9 pm smelling like pot. Granted, he should not be taking gas out of our lawnmower cans in the garage. Granted he should not slam doors in the house and wake his 2 1/2 y.o. dear sister. Granted, he should flush the toilet at all times, especially after number 2. I know he has all these faults but dh never fails to point out his many many faults and never says anything good about the kid. Dh cusses, builds himself up to blowing up - gets physically sick over it, etc. Oh brother is what I'm to the point of saying. I told him when we married that my ds is a handful. I've had my son to several counselors the last was a psychologist who said not to bother to bring him back until he admits he has a problem and wants to change - it won't do any good. I'm resigned to getting him out on his semi-own - I have friends on the university farm who will watch him for me and his dad. We got into an argument last Friday or Saturday night because I dared mention that the grass needs cutting, and he blew and said I was making a "stab" at him. I really wasn't but was just noting that it needs done and we're going to have to do it this weekend. With a 2 y.o. around I can't do it so he has to do it all and he's not very nice about it alot of times. He is depressed, and knows it. He's already on Wellbutrin and he's had me call his MD and is having his dosage doubled. This is somebody, as I've said before, who grew up with his cop dad screaming at the 3 kids and abusing his wife even though he was supposed to be a domestic violence expert! If it hadn't been for the kids' grandmother living just a few doors down so they could go there life for the family would have been even worse. I am working 15 hours a day right now (tonite is the last night so I'm back to 37.5 hrs a week - and often not even that), and am pretty tired after working another Session for the Legislature. He gripes and bitches and moans until we have a blow up, and I'll tell you last week I very strongly told him if he didn't like it to just leave - don't wait 18 years like my sissy ex dh to have the guts to leave - and even then I had to be the one to end it. I popped 2 sleep tabs, went into the bedroom, cried, kicked all his pillows on the floor, and went to sleep. I know, not pretty but I felt better afterward. Here he comes at 1 am like a whipped puppy - totally different person than when he argues - and climbed into bed almost like nothing happened and telling me how much he loves me. I know our life is tough - with a 2 1/2 y.o. and 17 1/2 y.o. in the house. My son is gone alot either working or I let him go to his friend's house alot - he and my dh have never gotten along and probably never will. I'm getting awfully tired of having to put up with the bitchy moods, but I'm not in any shape to be making any life-changing decisions right now. With putting in 300 OT hours in since January, they tell you not to until at least 3 weeks after Session when you have semi-recovered. I'm just tired, period. I put up with an awful lot of crud from 23 years with my ex, and had hoped this one would be different, but guess not. Our dd is nuts about her daddy - at least we have that I guess. Constructive comments are welcome. Please don't "blast" me over this - I definitely do not need that. I do love him when he's being a generous, loving, caring person. It's his other personality that I can't stand. It's weird how he seems to have 2 personalities. Why do people have to be such jerks sometimes? I'm sure it's his aim, and he manages to make me feel like a bad mother even though I pulled ds from being committed to the state (his dad and stepmom wanted to do that to him to "get him out of the way" - and because he was being difficult). And he will graduate from high school with a decent GPA and I already have him enrolled in college (his choice - not totally mine I told him he doesn't have to go if he doesn't want to).

I think throughout my whole marriage and divorce, dealing with all of the issues with the kids has by far been the toughest.
Peace and hugs,
Cheryl =)
The minute you settle for less than you
I know that right now you are not ready to leave your DH. I know from dealing with an abuser that you have a snowball's chance in he** at changing the way he treats your DS. I watched my STBX mistreat my kids for years and that is the biggest regret I'm sure I will ever experience in my lifetime. Of course, now STBX is pretending to be the loving father and I'm the bitch, psycho mother. Oh, well, if I had it to do over again I'd have left much, much sooner, but I can't change that.
Try your best to focuse on you. Don't focus on how much your DD loves her dad. That really isn't the issue here. No matter how much she loves her dad, if the 'vibes' in the household aren't good things aren't good for her. When your work slows down and you can think clearer, think about what you truly want. My STBX could sometimes be so nice. But you know what I've discovered? That nice time he had was the way normal men act all the time. It just seemed so nice because it wasn't the 'norm' in my house. The niceness, too, was always over-shadowed by lies, deceit and manipulation.
Hope you can find time to work on you.
Hugs,
Jackie