Did your abuser seem to have ....
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Did your abuser seem to have ....
| Thu, 03-23-2006 - 12:04pm |
a sexual addiction?Like ALWAYS demanding sex no matter if I was interested or not ...If I was tired (I do have 3 small kids )and they wear me out ...he didnt understand that ..and took it as I was rejecting him ...said things like "if it was someone else you would be interested " ...sometimes I would give in just to keep the peace .I was never "physically "forced ...but felt pressured ALL the time ..and If I didnt give in he got really mad ,and would pout .Just wondering if this is a common trait among abusers...

Unfortunately yes, I can totally relate to that. I remember the first time it became apparent that if I didn't just give in, he would make me miserable. And he totally took it as rejection (or, at least acted that way - it's still a form of manipulation and control) and would say if I loved him more/cared about him more, etc. I'd do it. Sex is just completely mechanical for me now. I do it to avoid a fight and I'm so disgusted with myself for giving in and not telling him to take care of it himself. I also have two small children and it never mattered if I was exhausted or just not in the mood. He used to wake me up in the middle of the night (drunk of course) and keep at me until I finally just gave in. The last time that happened I cried through the whole thing and after that told him it was the last time I'd allow him to wake me up for sex. I told him that it showed a complete lack of respect for me. That's really the only victory I've had with him. Now I end up having to "do it" with him the mornings after he's been out drunk the night before.
I can't wait to break free so that some day I can actually have a healthy, loving, sexual relationship with someone.
I'm so sorry you're going through the same thing but it sounds so common in abusive relationships.
Hugs,
Lisa
Pinocchio presented as a sex addict too, but I don't believe it anymore.
Thanks for bring up this topic. I think it's something that needed to be addressed.
Hey ddinkle,
I am de-lurking to tell you that I did go through something similar. I was with my df for 4 years and for the first 2 years (approximately) He NEVER wanted to have sex with me. He would only have if it was his idea to have it. If I asked for it, or touched him or talked to him in a sexual manner he would get angry at me and tell me things like "There is more to life than sex". Eventually, I got tired of it and never wanted to be with him for that reason, and that is when the whole thing turned around. He wanted to have sex with me much more often--at least five times a week. Everything seemed a lot deeper and more affectionate too. However, there were occassions when I was tired, busy or not in the mood. He never forced me. In fact df is the type of man that does not enjoy sex unless I was enjoying it and he would never dream of "finishing" before I got my enjoyment out of it. So when I did refuse he felt I was no longer physically attracted to him, having an affair, falling out of love with him, was angry about something, or trying to punish him. Then he would say "Next time that you want to I am going to reject you so that you see how it feels". I would tell him that was ridiculous not only because he rejected me all the time in the begining, but because even after our sexual relationship became healthy and fulfilling when he refused because of being tired or not feeling well I always understood, hello, it is just part of life! I always felt bad about making him feel bad, but I never understood why his self esteem was so low that he felt that way. I've only been apart from him for 3 months right now, it's talk like this that actually makes me miss him, LOL.
you know this is how or actually one of the main issues is sex
he said he needs it everyday. he says,actually admitted he addicted to sex,his idol, best friend
his friends later on told me that's all he did - like womanize
at first it was ok... then came to sexual intimidation-i'm a whore, i'm having an affair, if it's my period -prove it -, if i didnt wanna have sex... then came the worse things
we lived wit his mom- just spead yourlegs and get it over with. if he calls u name just agree...it makes me sick them when he was restraining me on one fight -i spit in his face-i lost all interest in sex- i finally said no means no cuz he hates me one moment and then just wants to roll on top and it just angers me
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