This is distrubing

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
This is distrubing
5
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 2:09pm

A month or so ago I went on a college related trip to for the weekend ....(of course this caused tremendous problems )and when I was supposed to come back home the weather was bad ,and the airline cancelled my flight ....so I ended up with a 6 hour layover ....and I was broke ....my cell was dead ...but I did call home to tell him my flight was delayed ....

anyhow....last week I found and sheet of paper in the junk drawer with numbers of just about every airport in the US ,all kinds of hotels ,as well as police departments all over the country,all hand written by him.

Today when my phone bill came in ...there were 65 calls to directory assistance on that same day( that my flight was cancelled )...and calls to police depts,and airlines all over the country.

and I found out from a family member that he had driven to the airport in the MIDDLE the NIGHT ...(about an hour drive from here )WITH MY CHILDREN (<<<<

point is ....things are becoming so clear ...how bad he is ....and I DID NOT think it could become any clearer....

Someone,from another post mentioned paranoia ....as a charactheristic ,I wonder if sleep with a knife ,gun etc.nailing the windows shut Like 20 nails in each window)and every time a car drives by ...thinking its the cops is paranoia ...LOL

Its amazing to me how all these things are coming together now ....and I never realized it before ....all the classic symptoms are there ....its so scary ...even with him gone ..and no contact ...I am so scared that he will be looking in the windows on me again ..etc .....I am still living in a night mare ...one of fear ...DO they EVER stop ? just give up ? I worry he may NEVER leave me alone ...that I may have to fight him forever ....

Even though he tells me its not my fault... I cant help but feel it is in some way ,...he did tell me he needed me to do more, and that he wasnt feeling connected to me because of the distance ...But he really didnt give me a c

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2006
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 2:19pm
I haven't been able to leave mine yet, but I understand what you mean about "will they ever leave you alone". I'm trying to figure out the best way to tell him and see what I can do. If at all possible, I've found the best way to have that happen is to make sure they don't know where you are or how to contact you. Unless they a more attractive offer somewhere else (by this I mean location, not person), they will keep harassing. The funny thing is, I really believe they keep contacting you because they believe there is still a chance for the relationship to work because they can't admit they did anything wrong. It's really, really sick.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 3:10pm

I have to let my H call and talk to my kids ....else I would block his number....(I dont want to give him any reason to thik I am (""trying to keep him away from them" etc)would make it worse....anyhow....Whenever he hid talk to me on the phone ...it was always "so its really over ?"But you love me ,I know you do "are you going to file for divorce?"you cant file for divorce ..we were meant to be together " and I never abused you ....I was drunk...mad...YOU cheated on me ,,,and I cant get over that ..etc...THEN (during this "tender moment "<<<

yesterday ....he called to ask about the kids ...school etc....Then the conversation quickly changed ..( I KNOW

THEN denyed saying it !!!!LOL ...he said I didnt mean you !!!!LMAO

I am NOT going to stop answering his calls ....I have a much better idea....I am going this afternoon to buy a recorder that hooks into the phone ,and record ALL OF IT !!!!!

Even though he tells me its not my fault... I cant help but feel it is in some way ,...he did tell me he needed me to do more, and that he wasnt feeling connected to me because of the distance ...But he really didnt give me a c

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2006
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 3:54pm
That is an excellent idea! Everything you've told me he said to you sounds exactly like what I've heard. I'm getting ready to go home and do the boot, I'm scared as hell, but I think you are very brave to be dealing with him on a regular basis. Of course, I understand the not really having a choice because of the children. He's pulled the same thing with me and our daughter.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 6:10pm

Love, just one thing:

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 11:30am

Abusers are all the same. I can totally relate. Reading your story about the obsessive phone calls reminded me of my stbx checking the internet traffic cams when I was late getting home from work. He'd print out every cam and then say "where were you. Don't say it was traffic because I have proof." Insane. Because it was traffic but those traffic cams don't pick up everything or sometimes aren't live. Anyway...no one should have to explain themselves like that... That's control, insanity and abuse. I'm glad to hear you've gotten out.

Do they ever give up? That's a great question. Someone should do a poll. I get the "are you seeing someone" crap constantly, too. And all the other manipulative language that you described... I find comfort in reading that it happens to others in a similar situation. It helps me see the tactic for what it is and lets me know that I AM NOT the insane one. I really just hope that I am smarter next time. Oh and abusers don't change. But WE CHANGE. Halelujah. We get smarter, stronger, wiser. We can develop good boundaries and make better choices for ourselves and our children. We can live in peace and joy without are abusers. And then when they do they're crazy thing...we can just laugh at it. And it does not penetrate our souls. Here's to healing.

Take care and God bless,
Loonybunny