Divorce +3yrs - when will it end?!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Divorce +3yrs - when will it end?!?
2
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 2:48pm

I divorced my emotionally abusive husband three years ago. I followed the advice on this board and have not contacted him since, and have asked that he not contact me.

In the three years that have passed, he has remained in contact, to the extent of traveling to visit, most of my family (mother, sister, father). He occassionally sends me the odd email, which I don't respond to. Every time I get something from him, or hear about him through my family, I start back into depression, and have re-occurring nightmares (from which I wake up extremely panicked).

Just recently, my grandfather passed away. I received another email from my ex, trying to console me, and also upset that he doesn't know when the memorial service is going to be. I think my mom must have told him about his passing. I am scared to death that he will try to be there. Not really scared for my safety (although he does carry a gun, and did threaten my life when we were married), but more for the continuing torture to my emotional well-being.

I finally broke the no-contact today, and replied to his email, telling him never to contact me or my family again, and that he has no right involving himself in our affairs. I also emailed my family, telling them what happened, and that I do not want them to contact him either.

How long will this continue? Every time I feel like I am actually starting to heal, my old wounds get ripped wide open again. How can I get him out of my life forever?

I am thinking about trying to get a restraining order against him.
I never obtained a restraining order w/ the divorce, I just moved out of state. Is it too late now? What will it accomplish? Will it be valid at the memorial service (different county than where I live)?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 3:12pm

Hi smendrick, welcome back -


It's never too late for an RO.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Sat, 04-09-2005 - 7:02am
I totally agree with blue. My stbx did the same thing with my dad. Everyone would like to think that it just wasn't meant to be and you can't blame anyone. Make it clear to your family that if they choose to continue a relationship with him that is their choice, but at least have respect for you and your feelings. People are weird and how they perceive things is alot of times totally different from what really happened. You X is enjoying playing this "concern" trying to show the world what a great guy he is. You don't have to bite. You know what he truly is and that is all that counts. He can't fool you and don't let him get under your skin. Make him history in your mind and disregard the actions of others.