Do They?
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Do They?
| Sat, 03-27-2004 - 8:07pm |
Do they realize how unhappy they make us sometimes? Do they realize how much their words hurt? I called home from work - yes, I'm STILL up here working on the budget for the Legislature - they are taking it to the 20th hour...- and he cussed so loud one of the secretaries at my door heard him. I had to make up a story that he's been really good taking care of our dd - up til now - and he has, for the most part. Has taken her to McDonald's, given her baths, I help every chance I get - even went to the grocery tonite so he didn't have to do it. And it truly should be over after Monday night - one more killer day/night, and hopefully they'll have it nailed down. He knew I had this job when he married me. I've offered to quit it, but, at the same time, told him the truth that we'll have to sell the house, go down in cars, etc. because this job pays for alot. Except for about 3 months a year I have a very flexible schedule - I can take off with dd, and we have an excellent credit rating - something he was lacking when he met me. He doesn't want to work OT himself, so what's the difference. There are alot of people in this agency who end up divorced, though. The hours and stress during Session are bad - I can't deny that. But for me the end result is worth it. I just wish he would learn to watch his mouth! Wonder what he'd think if I just showed up at the house with one of these VERY LARGE state police who are up here all the time??! I'd do it, if I thought it would really change him. But I've read enough on this board to know that they never change - no matter what. Sigh. Thanks, once again, for letting me vent. I don't feel comfortable talking to anybody around her about it. My mom, bless her heart, I have talked to about it some, and just said that "they are all like that". How do you like that??! Have a great night, see you all tomorrow.

You have to remember that his yelling and cussing isn't about you at all.
Peace and hugs,
Cheryl =)
The minute you settle for less than you
Hi Chic...I agree with bama1gal here.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
- Maya Angelou
And I told him she overheard him - he thought I had held the phone up for her to hear - I told him I didn't have to that she had just stuck her head in my door right when he did it and she had no problem hearing him. Jerk. You all have a great day I'm almost out of this work mode for another 18 months. Yes!
I really can't add much more to the excellent words of wisdom by the previous posters, only to say that they both are right on the mark with everything they said. I, too, have a spouse that is similar to yours....who gets extremely angry when he has to come home to do ANYTHING (cook, clean, watch the children, etc) and takes it out (verbally or emotionally) on me.
I quit a job I LOVED in July...after working it full time for 10 months. It required me to go away for 3 weeks of training (about 2.5 hours away--so I stayed there--it was required) and he went nearly ballistic and was pissed at me the WHOLE time, despite me making it as EASY for him as possible. The job was EXTREMELY STRESSFUL, but it was made worse by my h. I had this "guilt" of loving my job coupled with putting my youngest into daycare, and STILL coming home and doing ALL of the household chores. I finally reached a breaking point in July and quit...but on an upside, it provided me the opportunity to complete my Masters (which will be done in May). The entire time I was working...it was ME who took off days when the kids were sick (it was a work from home job, that provided me much flexibility)...it was ME who did the housework, grocery shopping, cooking, coordinating driving kids here and there...and in the end it was ME that carried the burden of all the stress. My h always said to me when I would complain, or just breakdown, "hey, this is what YOU wanted".
Do they see it? Yes...that is why they act the way they do...because it is a tactic to get us to change FOR THEM. All the time my h was calling me selfish and self centered, it was more projection on what HE IS.
As for the part of do they change? I wish...and I still waffle here...because I believe anyone has the capacity to change IF they recognize a problem, but sadly, many times people like who they are for the most part.
big hugs...and I hope that Legislature passes that budget soon
dharma
Peace and hugs,
Cheryl =)
The minute you settle for less than you
Your man is a master of manipulation just like mine was. Just when things got a little hairy, the tables would turn. Oh, he would put on a big show "I've got to get this done for mother." The children only saw when "I" was mad. They didn't catch the hurtful things he would do to me. As they got older, he would use me as the example of the person "not to be like." Oh I didn't see it happening like I should. In fact I had come to believe it. He was a teacher and felt that the rest of the time was for HIS pleasure. I worked fulltime and had started a small parttime business. I still maintained everything at home and tried to keep everything together. It is ALL about them and their lives. Sweetdreams (as always hit it right on the button). This past year the business had really started forming and I was making some great contacts that would definitely pay off. He saw all that and all it did was make him angrier. I already see him teaching that little girl behaviors to make you jump. Before you know it you will have two of them running you in circles. Be careful on that part, that is a heartbreaker when they get older. Been there.
Terry