Do they ever change?
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Do they ever change?
| Wed, 07-05-2006 - 5:40pm |
Hi I'm new here and its been hard for me to admit to myself and my family that my husband is abusive. We have been together for almost six years, married for three. We don't have any kids together, but it dosen't make leaving him any easier. He has been verbally and physically abuse for almost 5 years. At first, it was just him commenting constantly about my weight when he was drinking. He is also an alcoholic. He would say really mean things; it even got to the point that I developed an eating disorder because of it, which I still struggle with. I don’t want to bore anyone with long stories, but the violence escalated and became him hitting and belittling me when he got drunk. He always would blame his behavior on the drinking and say that he didn’t mean any of what he said, or didn’t remember. I left him for the first time a few months ago, and confessed everything to my parents. He said he would change and I came back after 10 days. Well, he did change for a few weeks and then it all started again. This past weekend, we went to his brother’s house to hang out and we were all drinking and having fun, we also went to a few bars and I ended up dancing with someone (completely innocent) When we got back to his brother’s place he brought up the dancing. His brother’s GF tried defending me but he head-butted me and I went to bed. Then he got into some kind of fight with his brother and ended up trashing their house. It was a mess and I was scared that he might kill his brother over nothing. My husband went to the hospital, and his brother didn’t press charges. I called my sister, she called my mom. My mom and aunt came and got me, and now I’m back at my parent’s house. I’m just so tired of trying to “forget” and “get over” all the horrible things. We have had some really good times and I love him. I know that I’m planning on filing for divorce this time but I really never thought I would have to make this decision. He’s now saying that he is going to stop drinking, but I’ve heard that before. I also don’t know if he realizes how much hurt and pain he has caused me. I know that the statistics are against him recovering, do they ever change? Or should I just move on?

It is not even worth telling you that only 1% of abusers change and ONLY with intense battery intervention and diligent therapy. Move on. Move on. Move on.
I moved on 2.5 years ago and I STILL need to keep a restraining order on my xh. They do not, will not change. They may only change tactics, change stories but never really truly change.
Be very grateful that you have no children with this man. Still after 2.5 years I am able to keep his visitation with the children supervised because he continually shows exactly what type of person he is, unfortunately, a alchoholic, drug addicted abuser.
Move on. Never look back.
Lisa