DOES ANYONE WORK THINGS OUT?
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| Tue, 08-15-2006 - 6:26am |
After reading most of the posts in here im wondering if i am the one who needs help? Does anyone ever forgive their husbands? My husband of 19yrs slapped me in the back of the head last week after i slammed our bedroom door and woke him up as i was still pissed off after an arguement we had a few hours prior! I have no tolerance for abuse so i picked up the phone and dialed 911 and had him arrested! or should i say he had himself arrested, he admitted to the 911 operator that he hit me and that he would be waiting patiently outside for the police to come and take him to jail. My 17yr old daughter and my 11 yr old son did not see him hit me but after hearing the commotion they came downstairs to investigate as i was calling 911.
Im glad i had him arrested as i am a firm believer that if kids witness domestic violence! or in my case know that it occured! then what message am i sending them if i do not call the police? and as i said I have no tolerance for abuse!
Now for the messy part of all this! since i live in a State that automatically issues a No contact order I am now faced with court dates, attorney fees. I need to speak with a domestic violence specialist in order to have this No contact order dropped. My husband is in the Military so now they are involved! His position in the Military is at stake!
Talk about a mess! This is a man with a clean record, perfect service record, etc!
This is the first time he ever hit me! he was charged with 4th degree assault which is usually referred to as a simple assault! the pamphlet the officer gave me which has a list of signs of abuse do not pertain to my situation whatsoever, I can honestly say that my husband does not control me, verbally abuse me, threaten me, call me names, withhold money, etc! I have no problems speaking with a domestic violence specialist but now im wondering if she is going to think i am lying to save my husbands ass! He is not allowed to contact me but he can contact our children and has stressed to them how sorry he is and there is no excuse for what he did! he is more than ready to take his punishment! the sad part of all this is they are more than willing to give it to him too. So many abusers out there are lying to get out of their charges, blaming their wives, alcohol, drugs, bad day at work, etc! these are the men that are getting off scott free and one can bet they will go right back to the way they were as they feel more powerful than ever thinking they beat the system, my husband does not drink or do drugs, he is a wonderful husband and a father! Now i feel bad! my daughter told him how i feel and he said WHAT? i wont have it, she is not to feel bad for me! i am to blame, not her.
I cannot help the way i feel, this man has worked hard for everything we have, he has given 20 yrs of military service and it really bothers me that they can take over and do whatever they want! I am the one who filed the report! does anything i say matter?
This is causing undue stress on my family right now! i am at a loss! anyone here ever been in the same situation?

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Yes it all makes since to me now! the laws here tightened up shortly after that incident!
Its too bad that it took a police chief to kill his wife for them to wake up and realize that this can occur in any family. Thanks so much for the information regarding the impact statement, everything you said for me to document is exactly what i had in mind however i did not know if it was appropriate to explain what my true feelings are to the prosecuting attorney when there job is to protect the victim. its a weird situation to be in thats for sure.
i will let you know the outcome of all this. thanks again
Do let us know how it goes, Shelly.
I agree. I think in your impact statement you can ASSURE the court that there has never been any hint of abuse or control in the past & that your H seems to be very willing to admit his fault, make
This is an unusual abuse case, I'll give it that. IF and ONLY IF he takes responsibility for what he does, gets counseling, and takes decisive steps to ensure that this will never happen again, it MAY be that he is changing. However, the statistic that only 1% of abusers ever change is also true.
All you can really do is see how the situation plays out. IF and ONLY IF it appears that he is changing, you will have to be the one to decide what to do.
Hello! Changing as in possibly becoming a different person after 19yrs of no abuse in our marriage? If that is what you mean then yes i thought of that also, so much has went through my head, i am being extremely cautious! and at the same time remaining optimistic.
In the event that this did happen again? you can bet i would not stick around for a 3rd time.
Do you have any advice on how i might address the court or Prosecuting Attorney in my Impact statement? I tend to be a little too forward at times, I dont want to tick them off. As i said before it is a weird situation to be in, I know their job is to protect the victims therefore i have nothing but respect for what they do.
any advice would be greatly appreciated
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