DOES ANYONE WORK THINGS OUT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2006
DOES ANYONE WORK THINGS OUT?
11
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 6:26am

After reading most of the posts in here im wondering if i am the one who needs help? Does anyone ever forgive their husbands? My husband of 19yrs slapped me in the back of the head last week after i slammed our bedroom door and woke him up as i was still pissed off after an arguement we had a few hours prior! I have no tolerance for abuse so i picked up the phone and dialed 911 and had him arrested! or should i say he had himself arrested, he admitted to the 911 operator that he hit me and that he would be waiting patiently outside for the police to come and take him to jail. My 17yr old daughter and my 11 yr old son did not see him hit me but after hearing the commotion they came downstairs to investigate as i was calling 911.

Im glad i had him arrested as i am a firm believer that if kids witness domestic violence! or in my case know that it occured! then what message am i sending them if i do not call the police? and as i said I have no tolerance for abuse!

Now for the messy part of all this! since i live in a State that automatically issues a No contact order I am now faced with court dates, attorney fees. I need to speak with a domestic violence specialist in order to have this No contact order dropped. My husband is in the Military so now they are involved! His position in the Military is at stake!
Talk about a mess! This is a man with a clean record, perfect service record, etc!
This is the first time he ever hit me! he was charged with 4th degree assault which is usually referred to as a simple assault! the pamphlet the officer gave me which has a list of signs of abuse do not pertain to my situation whatsoever, I can honestly say that my husband does not control me, verbally abuse me, threaten me, call me names, withhold money, etc! I have no problems speaking with a domestic violence specialist but now im wondering if she is going to think i am lying to save my husbands ass! He is not allowed to contact me but he can contact our children and has stressed to them how sorry he is and there is no excuse for what he did! he is more than ready to take his punishment! the sad part of all this is they are more than willing to give it to him too. So many abusers out there are lying to get out of their charges, blaming their wives, alcohol, drugs, bad day at work, etc! these are the men that are getting off scott free and one can bet they will go right back to the way they were as they feel more powerful than ever thinking they beat the system, my husband does not drink or do drugs, he is a wonderful husband and a father! Now i feel bad! my daughter told him how i feel and he said WHAT? i wont have it, she is not to feel bad for me! i am to blame, not her.
I cannot help the way i feel, this man has worked hard for everything we have, he has given 20 yrs of military service and it really bothers me that they can take over and do whatever they want! I am the one who filed the report! does anything i say matter?
This is causing undue stress on my family right now! i am at a loss! anyone here ever been in the same situation?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 11:30am
Well, you'll want to address the court and explain how the crime impacted you and your family. Just be honest. Read back over it and if you see any signs of sarcasm or anything else that you think might be offensive, edit it. In your posts you haven't said anything that would be offensive, so I think if you write in that tone, you'll be fine.

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