Does stalking ever end?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Does stalking ever end?
Wed, 12-08-2010 - 11:18pm

Is it normal for an abusive stalker to continue stalking even after starting a relationship with someone else? I've had a protective order for nearly a year now, and my divorce is final, but I have to go back in a few weeks because he want's to fight the po. Also, he's had a new girlfriend for a while now, planning to move in with her, but still pressures daughter to tell him what I'm doing (which is nothing exciting at all ever) and she let it slip that he's been jogging on the road by where I live in an apartment complex. I have walked this road for exercise many times as it is very close to my apt and I noticed there is a very good view of my upstairs apt. You can see anyone that comes or goes from my door, and if I have my blinds open, you can see in, not that there's anything to see...I live a pretty quiet life. He got a good deal in the divorce...about all he lost was his ability to constantly harrass me openly. Why on earth anyone would be interested in watching me is beyond me, but of course I've had enough experience to know there is nothing rational about these abusers...and then some.

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Thu, 12-09-2010 - 4:13pm

That's really scary to me...

Does your Super know about the PO?

I would let them know.

If he is in the vicinty I think he is in Violation.

Check with the authorities about this and let them know of your concerns.

I would not drop the PO.

Does your daughter live with you?...or her dad?

I would make it clear through a third-party that he is not to "Grill" her.

She doesn't have to answer him but that must be concerning to her to.

Whatever you do is NONE of "His" business...

Please be careful and be safe.

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Thu, 12-09-2010 - 6:06pm

Hi Shellie, it's been a while since we've heard from you.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Tue, 12-14-2010 - 3:04am

Well, I believe it's a civil protective order. It seems to be basically worthless. I don't intend to drop it, but in my state, you have to prove that one is necessary. I live in a small town, and it's fairly common knowledge how he has treated me, but there are also many who either don't know him at all, friends of mine that didn't even realize I was married, much less going through what I went through, and there are those who just think he's a real nice guy.

So many people I worked with sided with him because my stepdaughter works where I did for years, where much of the obvious stalking took place. There are some that have talked about it with me. It helps me when they verify what happened, I'm starting to feel like I'm the crazy one. And I do have a few close friends that witnessed alot, and might actually testify for me, Idk, he would cause them so much trouble and I would hate that.

My super does know about it, she was very adamant that she could ban anyone from the premises that she wants to, and she told me this is federal property so any charges are a felony. However, with my daughter, visitation was set, "as minor child desires" because of her age. Huge mistake. She's calling all of the shots, and guess who's manipulating her. It even states in my papers that "per minor child's request, neither party is to allow maternal grandmother access to minor child." Now this is because grandmother took child's phone away when child was having a meltdown. I actually had to take her to the ER, she had some pretty serious issues.

Alot happened to her around the time of the split, much of it not related to anything to do with the divorce, personal teen issues, but they were severe, also some serious health problems came up. It was very hard for her, it would've been for anyone, and her counselor and mine believe she had a psychotic break. At first, her counselor thought it was biological, and she needed meds, from what I described when i made her appointment. Then when she met and talked with her and me, she said it wasn't biological, it was because of severe stress,