Don't know how to let go!
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Don't know how to let go!
| Wed, 11-01-2006 - 4:30pm |
This is my first time here and any advice or comments are greatly appreciated. I'm in an abusive relationship (verbal & physical) and I don't know how to let go. I know he isn't the one for me, but I hate being alone and I feel like what if I don't find another. I also feel like it is my fault the way he treats me and so when he tells me I guess I deserve it. We have been dating for almost 3 years now and nothing has changed. We go through our honeymoon periods, but then he goes back to his old ways. He has cheated on me numerous times and yet he won't admit to it. I don't trust him so I'm constantly questioning his whereabouts, etc. I finally got the nerve to leave and wasn't answering his calls, but I caved in and went back. He manipulates me so well and it works. This last time though was the worst that I have ever gotten it. Like I said we had been off and on and well his birthday came around and he wanted me to spend it with him, so i did. I'm not a big drinker and not really a party animal, where as he loves to go out and party, etc. We got into an argument and he stormed out of the bar. His friends and family told me to let me cool off and not to go after him and so I didn't. He told me to go outside but I was soo scared that I didn't. His family and friends wouldn't let me go out either because they know his temper. To make a long story short, he ended getting that night and I got the worst beating ever. He pulled so much hair out that it left bald spots and he cut the rest hair and my clothes and didn't stop beating me until about 3 or 4 hours later. He keyed my car. he flushe my keys down the toilet. He said it was my fault because I didn't listen to him and go outside when he asked. I had to miss 3 days of work because my face and body was so swollen and bruised. Since then he has promised not to do it again, but it did. I'm torn because a part of me does love him and I don't know why. How can I love someone who could do this to me. I guess I just need someone to talk to and seek advice. He tells me that I'm going to regret it the day I leave. I don't know what to do. I've done everything for him, catered to him and have got nothing in return. I know what I need to do, but when I talk to him the words just don't come out. Any advice

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You haven't posted in a while...are you o.k.? are you in counseling? Abuse turns our heads upside down and our hearts inside out. It's being in a fog that makes thinking so hard. That's one reason it's hard to leave-I know for me I try to think things through but it doesn't make sense. Love is not abuse. What if your sister or good friend told you this stuff? Would you do this to him?
He's a dangerous man. Get in touch with a DV shelter/counseling...my best to you,
Beth
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