Dont know what to do....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2011
Dont know what to do....
12
Fri, 01-21-2011 - 3:45pm

I’m just hoping it’s just a rough patch we are going through. I just want to say first I love my husband with all my heart and I knew one day I would marry him. We are two strong individuals and have been together for 7yrs now. We recently got married this last summer and it has been a difficult road for us. 3yrs ago my husband was diagnosed with a chromic disease which resulted in several hospital stays and he nearly died. Through that we still stuck together. He also went through a few job changes and we have been having financially difficulty ever since. So we have been through the worst of the worst together but, it seems that it just keeps coming. When we get through one struggle another comes right in to take the place of the other. The last 3yrs also have brought on a lot of verbal fights between us, yet we managed to stay together and get married.

Pages

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Fri, 01-21-2011 - 11:08pm

Hi December, and welcome to the board.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sun, 01-23-2011 - 10:52am

December, although your husband was diagnosed three years ago, you are now his wife and companion, and can provide useful information to his doctor.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2011
Sun, 01-23-2011 - 11:34am

thanks i intend to go pick up that book today. I thought about talking to his doctor about what's going on but, im afraid they will tell him i told him during a check up that im concern. this will just start another verbal fight that im not willing to go through. i know that there's doctor-paitent privillage but i will have to think of a way to approach his doctor. i have tried to get him to attend support groups so he can talk to others who have the same disease but, we once went and the people that were there freaked him out. they had the same disease but, they were more progressed than him which caused him to run away and didnt want to be apart of it. i must admit it freaked me out and i dont blame him. there was another group though that i found online and im hoping that we can try that.

my stepson is 20yrs old and lives in other state. he is very close to his mom and that doesnt make my husband anymore happy then he is now. when he told his son that he had this disease his son basically told him all the bad things that will happen to him instead of being positive. i told my husband that our son is yooung and is worried about him that's why he says things....he fights with his son too and verbally lashes out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sun, 01-23-2011 - 1:58pm

Son is not very empathetic yet, is he?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2000
Tue, 02-01-2011 - 1:24pm

Hi,

I feel for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2011
Tue, 02-01-2011 - 2:08pm

Im so sorry that your husband treats you this way. I guess, we are in the same boat as he's not getting any better. I have been thinking alot lately how I can help and try to tell his doctors that his moods have changed and how depressed he is lately, but im afraid to do it. Im afraid that the doctors will tell him and it may not be today, tomorrow but, one day and I don’t want to face that. i know everyone says the doctor will keep it quiet but, what if he doesnt? then i have to deal with it....maybe one day i will but, i just need time to think about it and how to do it the right way so it doesnt back fire on me.

I did take some of your advice and told someone. Actually two people know sort. I met with my pastor last Friday and told him sort of what is going on. There's just so much I can tell someone, because some of what happens is embarrassing and I don’t want anyone to really know that someone like me who is independent and strong willed is putting up with this. There’s also a part of me that feels like I need to protect him because he's sick and well he's my husband. He’s not always a bad person. Is that silly to say that? I don’t want anyone to judge him or hate him because he's sick. I also feel like he "needs" me even if he doesn’t want to fully admit it. He sometimes tells me "if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be here! In fact, who knows where I would be or even alive". but,if that's the case then why does he treat me so bad???? if he needs me so much and

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2011
Tue, 02-01-2011 - 2:11pm

anyway, i hope that they put him some different meds and maybe that will help with his mood swings.

I must ask are you still with him, : funbuz36?

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Tue, 02-01-2011 - 2:12pm
I know you said he does not want therapy. Have you considered counseling for yourself? I know you love him and want to work it out. But you have to take care of yourself too. Seek counseling for yourself and then only you can decide what feels right to you. Verbal abuse and constant put downs will eventually weigh you down. Set some limits and personal time, go do your own stuff now and then. See what happens..does he escalate or come around? Leaving is easier said than done..women like me have left and come back. But more you stay status quo with a person who is going to constantly put you down and treat you like a slave, more your self esteem will suffer. Get some counseling, take care of yourself first before you can take care of him. Good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2000
Tue, 02-01-2011 - 4:07pm

I feel for you it is snowing here and we can go home early but I read your reply and I know how you feel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Tue, 02-08-2011 - 10:35am

I will never understand why a woman would be with a man for years, be unhappy with his behavior and with the way he treats her, but she will convince herself that she loves him and go ahead and marry him, like saying "I do" is some magical charm that will make Mr.Creep into Mr.Wonderful!

Pages