don't know what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
don't know what to do
6
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 12:13pm
I have been being physically abused by my BF. We don't live together so its not domestic. Each time its a little worse. This time he headbutted me and I have a big gash on my nose and 2 black eyes and its REALLY sore. I had to make up some dumbass story about how it happened because everyone was asking me questions. Afterwards he cries and says it won't happen again and he is gonna get counseling. Says it my fault if I just wouldn't get him started. I know. Textbook abuser stuff. He has got me so confused because of the times he is wonderful. I told him he is gonnna end up killing me and he says no no that will never happen but when he is in a rage he is so in a cloud he doesn't know what he is doing. Once he starts it doesn't matter if I sit there and say nothing or argue back with him. Believe it or not I want to stay with him but i don't think this will ever stop. I have heard and read that counseling won't help that he can't change. I don't know what to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2005
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 2:43pm

Hello and welcome to the board, your post is probably the most typical kind we see here....women who realize they are in an abusive relationship but are so confused as to what to do about it.It IS hard to detach yourself from someone you love, no matter how awful they are. I suppose the bottom line is, are you willing to live like this forever? Are you happy with your life with him? Sure he can be a great guy at times,but is the abuse you suffer worth the few fleeting moments that he is actually a "nice" guy?
He's already hurt you badly,and what you've heard is true.. they never change.As a matter of fact,often times they actually get worse.As I say to everyone,you deserve better.And you truly do.Whatever you decide,we're here to lean on.

Hugs,
Serenity

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2001
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 5:45pm

What I would do is call the police. You have been assaulted. It doesn't matter if you are living with him or not. You are not to be treated like this by NO ONE. You deserve better and it starts with you. I don't mean to be cruel, don't waste the next 30 years of your life, like I did, by making excuses for this poor, misunderstood, man who doesn't know how to treat anyone better than the most important person in his life, himself. I was raised to have respect and not to hurt others. I should have taken my own advice, not to have hurt myself by allowing the person I loved the most to treat me the worst and be where I am now, starting over at 59. Please read "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" and "Survivors Speak Out" by Patricia Evans. They opened my eyes and you will find that there is a lot of wonderful information here and the help you will need, take care and be safe,

Luv, Sherry

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 7:24pm

Welcome, Meow - love your name!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 11:54am
Unfortunetly we work together and alot of this happens at work. I read the book recommended on here by Lundy Bancroft. I can't remember the name. Of course the day this happened he was crying telling me he called this counseling group he has. Another job he has gave him an EAP card because his rage came out there. yet now he has said nothing of it and I don't even ask because I know he was probably lying. i don't know how he can do this to me and then cry that he loves me. Even during his rages he is professing his love for me and then he'll kick me or hit me in the head. makes sense? I wish I never got involved with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 9:08pm
He attacks you physically AT WORK? Why haven't you complained to your supervisor or the Human Resources department? Good grief, you're being battered! Meow, you don't have to put up with this. You can be protected from him, but first you have to speak up. Please, take that first step to get him out of your life and make yourself safe.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Sat, 03-11-2006 - 10:41am

Jumping in to totally agree.