Don't know why.....
Find a Conversation
|Sun, 05-08-2011 - 3:10pm|
I don't know why I can't let go of the guilt that I want to be happy. I collapsed and talked to the stbx on the phone today. I knew it was a bad idea and as soon as we started into the same circle of conversation I realized what a mistake it was.
He asked again why I couldn't give him another chance. He said that he had changed and that I had opened his eyes. I told him that people should not wait to change after the other one leaves. He said that he has opened up to people at work. I told him that he never had a problem with that (emotional affair with a girl he worked with). I then asked him if he had told anyone what he is going through and he said no. I said then, you have not opened up.
He wants me to come back and give him another chance. I can't. I told him that I could not be a wife to him and that there was too much resentment. Why could he not change when I was sobbing so hard and asking him to stop doing things or why he couldn't show me a little affection. On the phone I would mention something that he had done or not done and he wouldn't even answer.
Why do I insist on having answers? They won't be good enough. I just fear that what if he has changed? It really doesn't matter, because I don't want to be with him. But, why am I so worried about his well being? Ugh!
I know I have went on and on, but I needed to get this out and see if anyone had any encouragements to send my way.