Drawing strength

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2005
Drawing strength
2
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 12:02pm

Hi, I'm new to this board. I've been dating a guy for about 4-5 months now and while I've suspected his behavior was out of line, I wasn't sure until recently. I've been posting on another board and the folks there validated my concerns and someone suggeted I post here, so here I am!

In a nutshell, the guy I'm dating is verbally and emotionally abusive. He is super-controlling and possessive. He constantly accuses me of cheating on him and has gone through my phone call lists and voice mails, grilling me about who people are. I do have male friends, but I've been open about them from the beginning of our relationship. Whenever I'm not available for him he thinks it's bad- recently I didn't answer his call because I was at the doctor and he was angry with me! He said he should come first. He threatens and intimidates me, and I'm scared of him. Nearly everything I do or say is the "wrong" thing in his eyes, and one day he will like something I do and the next he will despise the same thing. I never know from day to day what to expect. He manipulates me into doing things he wants, and I don't even realize it until later, and I feel stupid. I could go on, but you get the idea.

On his good days, though, he is very sweet, supportive, and adorable. He says he loves me- I don't know if he does or not. I do know I love him, but I have to do the difficult thing of breaking it off before I lose myself to him- I feel I've already lost myself to him in a way. So, I am trying to draw strength to do this. I'm reading some books right now to help, but anything anyone here can suggest would be appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2004
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 7:01pm
hi sweetie, If you want to leave him than by all means leave before it gets too out of hand. These abusers get what they want, whether its 5 months or 10 years they will get you. In my case it took 5 years to finally get that he wasent treating me right, lucky for you, you are seeing it early, so get out while you can, because it will only get worse if you dont talk to him about it or he can help himself. They will be sweet, thats one of there tools, so they can keep you. Once they have you, oh boy do you get it. So my advice to you, is learn everything you can, go to a counseller, and keep yourself happy. if you want to talk my ears/eyes are always open, take care.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 3:04pm
You mention that your relationship if approximately 4-5 months. He is "already" accusing you and has a jealous and trust issue. He says the word "I love you" would that be too soon. I don't mean to be rude or anything. I have been in a relationship like this. If he is already doing this, he may start physically abusing you. I know you may have alot of feelings for him just be careful.