dv charges..

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
dv charges..
25
Thu, 07-21-2011 - 1:27am

I just heard from a friend who said a colleague faced dv charge for pushing his spouse (over a heated argument..not sure if there is a pattern)..there were no physical injuries..the woman called 911, the cops came and arrested him. Now there was no physical injury..just she sat down..So yes, not minimizing the abuse, but the ramifications are too great. I think our justice system either fails to prosecute or goes ALL out. Anyway..this person now has a permanent arrest record..and since he works as a teacher, he is facing job loss. The whole family is

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2011
Thu, 07-21-2011 - 9:19am
I'm definitely having mixed feelings about this. My gut reactions is... if he pushed her this time, there has probably been more in the past or more to come. But, then again, I once called my hometown police to do a welfare check on my dad and they went a little nuts. Half a dozen cop cars surrounded his apartment, redirecting traffic, and they pulled him out of his home, treated him horribly, searching him in front of the neighbors and involuntarily committed him to a psych hospital for evaluation. It was totally uncalled for behavior on their part. So, I don't know. But I can't help but think... calling 911 on a spouse isn't usually the most easy thing to do in the world... I can't help but strongly believe there is more to the picture.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Thu, 07-21-2011 - 11:11am

It's very common for the ramifications of calling 911 to be unpleasant, so your idea not to over-react is a good one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Thu, 07-21-2011 - 12:03pm

I think that the moral of the story is that if a man puts his hands on his partner, even to push he down into a chair.......THAT is physical abuse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 07-21-2011 - 12:49pm

I know that DV can be very tricky when it comes to physical and verbal abuse.

When I got brave enough and had enough with my ex verbal and emotional abuser I started calling the police and I must have a ton of reports on my ex..

It was only then that he stopped being the bully that he was and he stopped bothering with me altogether.My ex was in danger of losing his job, his pension and his house and he didnt want that so he stopped bullying me.

I saw a Dr.Phil show once that stated when you can and if you can stop the madness and the bully with the police, court orders, jail and the like they will back off at some point.

Mine did and I am not sure if that is the norm . I do know that when women leave they have a higher risk of getting hurt but I was willing to take that chance.

I consider myself one of the lucky ones.

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Thu, 07-21-2011 - 1:46pm
While driving to work today, I recall I had an uncle (who has now passed away)..but we never knew this..apparently he used to beat up my aunt. Now this uncle was a highly esteemed professor in university and had papers and would do conferences and things like that. I had no idea until 10 years back, my mom told me about him. My aunt (at that time she was like in her 50s) could no longer keep the silence and started confiding in her siblings. Needless to say, when he finally passed away due to some illness at 60, no one mourned and my mom was like..finally her sister will not be beaten. What is interesting is my cousin..who is now in her late 30s is a great person and herself very accomplished. I dont know what she thought of her Dad in later years but like any young child, always had this awe of her Dad as he was the one who was so successful (at least outside).

Now I was thinking what if my aunt had called police (of course this would have been the 70's when laws werent so strict)..but if my uncle had lost his only livelihood..that of being a professor, that would have ruined the family. Again, I know those laws are they are scared that person will hurt the outside folks..but like a lot of abusers, he would never do that and what he did was inside the house..which was periodic abuse of my aunt. Anyway..just a perspective..A sad situation either way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Thu, 07-21-2011 - 2:48pm

Okay, now I'm confused.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2011
Thu, 07-21-2011 - 2:54pm
I'm with geo on this. I'm totally confused. Seriously.. it was ok for your uncle to abuse your aunt bc he was the one that worked... and because it was only periodic. Please say I'm reading that wrong.
Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Thu, 07-21-2011 - 3:07pm

wait..you guys just jump as usual. I am just leading a discussion. This was in the 70s..I had no idea about this..obviously we were little kids then..My aunt was a SAHM..It was not okay and it is NEVER ok to be hit. But those days nobody called the police.

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Thu, 07-21-2011 - 3:11pm
Winter, I understand what you're saying, however, ABUSE IS ABUSE, regardless of where it occurs. And ABUSE RUINS FAMILIES. Look at what it has done to you and your dd. You have come so far since you started posting here, but this tendency to minimize, rationalize and make excuses is what is holding you back in your own healing and from getting your dd the help she so desperately needs. You give great advice to other posters. I just hope that someday you will be able to honor yourself and your own needs. I realize that a large part of your reactions are the result of conditioning by the abuser in your life. My fervent hope and prayer for you is that you will someday achieve peace and healing for yourself and that your dd gets the help she so badly needs. Do something good for yourself today. You are so worthy.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2000
Thu, 07-21-2011 - 3:32pm

I dont get what the previous two posters are saying? I dont see where Winter is saying anything about it being OK for her uncle to abuse her aunt, she is just reflecting on a then and now situation and wondering if her daughter will turn out ok as her cousin did.

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