DV flashback emotions? Need advice on how to deal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2011
DV flashback emotions? Need advice on how to deal.
5
Wed, 03-30-2011 - 10:48am

Let me preface this by saying, my dh is wonderful. I have a had 2 extremely abusive relationships which have lasted a total of 9 years. It's been years since I divorced my ex.

Last night, I was at a work event and my dh was texting me getting steadily frustrated at having the wrong address and bad directions to come pick me up. He was obviously frustrated and I would be using similar language in the same situation. He was in no way blaming me for the confusion, but after driving around in circles for nearly an hour - he was just pissed.

The problem is... in receiving the text msgs, I got terrified. It was just a whelling up of emotion that I logically knew was competely irrational, but I had absolutely no control over. I had mini-flashbacks of my ex-husband and it triggered a really bad migraine and my uncontrollably crying for literally hours.

I felt bad about how I was feeling and didn't tell my husband the reaon behind it for a couple hours. He is upset that I didn't disclose earlier, so he could stop sending obviously angry text msgs to me. And, he ended up feeling hurt and guilty for causing me to trigger.

So, the questions are (1) how do I better control these flashbacks; (2) do I have a responsibility to tell my dh when they happen; and, (3) does it get better?

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001

Hi Chipper, good to see you again.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2011
Thank you. I'm starting a new support group and maybe some more therapy Monday. Lately, I feel like I'm getting triggered more and more because of other surrounding stress. I replied to your comment on the poem I posted yesterday with some info as well. thank you for the suggestion. I think a word to indicate the times when I'm having a problem will work. My husband is so supportive, mainly because he has PTSD too (combat and other trauma-induced) which makes things interesting sometimes. He really is an amazing guy. It sounds so stupid to ask when it'll all end. I have a friend who even 25 years later sometimes has nightmares from her ex-husband. Oh well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2000

perhaps the two of you would benefit from EMDR (

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Thanks, Kat, I was trying my darnedest to remember those initials because I know we've had several members who said EMDR was VERY effective for them. May be worth a look-see, Chipper.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2011
Thanks. I'll definitely look into it and see if my insurance will cover it.