DV Recovery - years have gone by and my ptsd triggers, nightmares and selfblame have popped up again
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|Thu, 02-24-2011 - 3:03pm|
First off, I am no longer in an abusive relationship. I have been in dv recovery with tons of counseling (I really recommend support groups) for years. I have ptsd and my son has some residual issues. I recently remarried to a wonderful man who has been very understanding, but I have never (until last night) gone into tremendous detail.
Last night, we were discussing my son's speech disorder and when I went on to tell him it was trauma-induced, my dh for the first time ask me for details. i have him some of the lighter things, like constantly being monitored by cameras, my EX abusing our animals in leui of hitting me until I would give in, etc. DH is well aware that I have certain PTSD triggers, and I mentioned a few instances that were the more severe abuse. My DH was very supportive, but then he looked at me and asked "Why were you with him to begin with?" I know he didn't mean it, but it got me in a self-blaming spiral that got worse and worse to the point of me even reverting to being protective of my EX and making excuses for him. It's been YEARS, but I'm still thoroughly screwed up. Will it ever stop?
Also, last night the discussions triggered some horrible nightmares. I woke up screaming once and DH woke me up again later when I was obviously in the midst of a bad one.
When will the past no longer effect me in such a strong way? I'm doing SO much better than I was before, but I feel like I've taken a step backwards and I need to get back into a support group for a bit. I just moved to this area and away from my dv support system. Any suggestions on that front as well?