Egads, MORE roses......grrr.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Egads, MORE roses......grrr.....
4
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 7:24am
My house is beginning to smell like a GOSH DARNED funeral home. Every day now for the past 4 days...its been roses.

I finally realized today that I could stop it. I finally went up to him and looked him in the eye and told him "STOP buying me flowers"....to which he responded that he was just trying to say that he was sorry and looked so hurt and sullen. I told him simply that "that time has passed--I can forgive but he can't ever expect me to forget. Its too late for flowers".

But I won't lie...that is VERY HARD for me to do...I tend to be very forgiving, not hold onto to grudges and let bygones be bygones. Now, I have to change...and its so uncomfortable for me. :-( I just hope I don't stay like this.

dharma

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 7:37am
Dharma,

Keep it in your mind that those flowers are THINGS. Wendell used to do that a long time ago. It was funny, because at first I really appreciated the flowers, then I was almosted embarrassed. They were sent with an ulterior motive. Remember that. Tell him to save his money for his new home. The divorce is going to be expensive enough. I know it's going to be hard. In fact I couldn't get up the courage to ask for a divorce. I waited until he asked me if I wanted one. The first time I said "Let me try out this new counselor first." Well, since it only took 20 minutes in this new counselor's office to tell me to "Get a divorce and get it now!", I knew that it was time. Wendell, looked at me and said well, let's just say we loved each other and just didn't get along. I looked at him and said "Whatever." I really couldn't say anything else. I just kept focused on what my counselor told me. I was really lucky because when things got really bad I could call him and he would call me back and set me on track. One of the first things that my counselor told me was to be more assertive. I told him I couldn't and he said I had no choice. Those were scary moments and I felt like running every time I stood up for myself, but after each time I didn't feel like running as far. Hang in there.

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 7:56am
Dharma, I too, have been the recipient of unwanted, way too late flowers. I simply either refused them when the delivery person arrived, until I realized that all of them were coming from the same florist. At that point, I called the florist, explained that I no longer wished to receive ANY flowers from them if they were ordered by doofus and that by sending them he was in violation of a restraining order. Never received another single one. HOwever, you might want to go ahead and let them try to deliver them to you because in doing so, he's already spent the money, whether you accept them or not. The florist will not give a credit back to him because of them being undeliverable. And since you will refuse them upon delivery, he's totally stymied. Good luck with everything, I wish you the best. Mama Harmony

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 8:58pm
Huge hugs Dharma. I know this must be so very hard for you and I am SO PROUD that you are standing strong and not backing down. Hang in there lady and this too shall pass.

Take care of yourself.

Hugs,

Ree

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 12:15pm
Dharma,

You're not holding grudges; you're protecting your future. By now you've experienced enough to know that if you drop the divorce and go back with him that within a week or two (at top) things will be just like they were before. IMHO, if they wanted us to care for them, if they truly loved us, wanted to be good to us, etc., they would be that way BEFORE divorce proceedings. Honey, as soon as the divorce is dropped he'll drop his 'loving' attitude.

You're on your way. I know exactly how hard it is, even though my H is not fighting it. Hugs and take care.

Jackie