Email from my dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2011
Email from my dad
7
Mon, 01-02-2012 - 12:35pm

So, a couple weeks ago, we came home to a bunch of cr*p piled on my porch... and its a big porch, so it was a lot of cr*p. My parents apparently decided to unload some of their more child-friendly and maternity-related dumpster finds and hoarding mess on my front porch. I went through it and the ONLY savalagable item was an etchesketch that was still in the box. So, the rest of it, when in the trash. I had made no contact with them or them with me (number is blocked). Then, last week I got an email from my dad. I've put it verbatim below because I really don't know what to make of it. I've never sent "angry emails," he is refering to ones where I was straightforward and telling them I and my husband were owed an apology. There was one email at the beginning of the mess with my parents where I used a couple profanities, but it was not what I would consider "angry" even, just frustrated. I just don't get this at all. Reading this (especially this part: "As a child you were loving and caring, as an adult you are cold, distant and cruel" and that I'm trying to intentionally kill him) has made me feel hurt and guilty but also very indiginant. I just don't understand this at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2000
Mon, 01-02-2012 - 3:17pm

Without seeing directly what your posts are, we can only go by what you say as in they were not vile etc...however, people perceive things differently...it could be they received what you perceived firm and straight forward as abusive...it might be they are just having a difficult time accepting that their little girl they had control over is growing up and severing that control....as for his heart issues, that is HIS doing. HIS years of eating what he chose to eat and not exercising as he should have and I have a sneaking suspicions his doctors have been talking to him a long time about his lifestyle and the damage it was causing him. I am sure the stress he has experienced through all of this turmoil has not helped his situation but it definitely did not cause it.

I see a long of "guilt" in that e-mail...Guilt he is trying to pass onto you because he does not know how to deal with it himself.

I think I would not respond at all to any further attempts of communication from them in any direction. Just as that stuff was put on your porch and you did not contact them to see what the heck was going on, do that with everything... If you do need to respond, make it short and simple like I am sorry you are having health issues...Nothing else.

Yes they want to spend time with their grandchildren and yes they would love to meet their new grandchild, but we don't always get what we want...I am sure there are several criminals that want to

Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-02-2012 - 9:42pm

I wonder if our parents are related!! My mother use to send me nasty emails when she was mad at me and my father thinks the problems we are have are my fault because I won't put up with his girlfriend. It has nothing to do with the fact that she lies and stretches the truth. I am suppose to put up with her crap and I won't. AHHH!! I have nothing to do with my mother again and very little with my father. I hate it but it is healthier for me. I agree with Kats advice but wanted to let you know you are not alone. I also 100% agree with Kat that his health, if he is telling the truth, is his fault and if you were to say anything to him I would ask for proof of his health but I suggest ongoing them because responding with probably hurt you more. I know when I try to talk to my father about things or respond even in anger I end up hurting more so I do my best to ignore anything he says.


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Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Mon, 01-02-2012 - 11:02pm

Chipper, just block them from your e-mail as well.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2011
Tue, 01-03-2012 - 9:32am
I'm definitely sticking to my guns of not contacting them. Their emails are sent to a separate hidden folder, but with my new phone it did something weird and popped into my inbox. Otherwise I would never have seen the email. And, I definitely have no intention of responding. But it's still feels like such a slap in the face, but I'm not dwelling on it. I'm just taking deep breathes and letting it go because I can't change them or how they see me.
Avatar for queen_brat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-03-2012 - 11:24am

My dads fgs emails go in another folder so I dont have to see her name pop up in my email box. She likes to send fowards and I don't want anything from her but I am afraid to send her to the trash in case that is how she chooses to contact me if something happens to my dad so I chec that folder once in awhile. She had the nerve to as me to be friends on facebook. I was annoyed at first and thankfully got over that pretty quic and laughed. Still not sure on what planet she ever thins we would be friends!! My oldest and I already get accused of talking about my dad on fb when my oldest never does and when I do I am very vague about who I am talking about and it can be anyone. She likes to twist things so no way I am giving her access to anything about me. Got to learn to laugh these things off. I know it is hard and sucks but it gets easier some what. Hugs


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Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Fri, 01-06-2012 - 11:03am
Morning Chipper, just checking in to see how you are doing.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2011
Mon, 01-09-2012 - 5:39pm
Sorry for the delay in replying, I don't get to check in very often here lately. I'm doing ok. My dad has sent me several follow up emails, each saying "Do you have anything to say (without anger) about my email?" Ugh. I'm happily ignoring it though.