EMOTIONAL ABUSE! EX-BOYFRIEND STA;LKING?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2004
EMOTIONAL ABUSE! EX-BOYFRIEND STA;LKING?
4
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 9:05pm

I AM LOOKING FOR GOOD ADVICE AND QUICK! I've recently been broken up with my ex man for about 5 months now and it's been painful but I've learned how to move on. Since the break up we haven't actually seen each other face to face but because we work for the same company we sort of know when one is on the premises for a meeting or something. The problem is I've tried to create peace between us and at least ask him how he's doing and how's life, well he always says it's not good that we communicate(if an email is harmful) every blue moon that excuse me! Several friends and family have to told me that something is fishy as to why he doesn't want to communicate being that he still has confessed to having all our memorabilia in his house, I've asked for items back and he won't give them back so I let that go. Anyhow, I'm starting to notice how someone has hacked into my emails and has been sending me email from (myself) to me lol....also little mishaps are starting to happen for instance. My fuses are missing out of my fuse box in my car and things stop working all of a sudden, I get in my car and notice the doors are unlocked(scary)!!! I've also been sent profiles of men on dating sites that words in their profile explain parts of our relationship and favorite places. The the message is something horrifying like( I know what you do and where you go).

The most scary of all is I have had items just all of a sudden come up missing from my place and I feel like I'm always being watched even now, in the profile of a fictious person that was sent to me it said things that I do in my every morning routine that only I know that I never told him. Two weeks ago I was going to meet some friends at a book store about 9ish for coffee and chat and as I was moving towards the door my dorn knob was rattled with I freaked and didn't leave. I heard a man mumbling under his voice while walking away!! I just turn off my lights and locked myself in the house even tighter. My biggest problem now is I have to sleep in fear and with a lil friend of steal around I'm starting to think maybe I am hallucinating to much or is wigging out myself.

The problem I do know is my ex has serious psychological disorders from being severly abused as a child and is currently been in therapy a couple of times a week for the last 2 years. He is 33, when he first started therapy he was open for change and for the better yet I still think he's playing games on the therapist cause of some of things he still does know it was a form of abuse. I also feel that he may be set in his ways and the therapy is a crutch to keep on with this hidden agendas. He lives alone never married, no children and stays partially isolated. He claims that I have been the only person he's been emotionally attached to in the last couple of years in such a deep way. Another thing is he is highly educated and is a top executive at our company and I know he has people fooled on who he really is so everyone praises him yet I'm starting to see different. I am scared to date and bring someone into the picture right now becuase I feel he is watching to see if I have another man around me to close so that he can do something crazy or something horrible happens. Everyone is telling me to go to the police but how can you do that with no proof, he has enough money to pay a fool to do hideous things for him. I know that because of him discovering problems in his childhood he is hating members of his family now even (mother) and keeps everyone at a distance.

DO YOU THINK I AM GOING CRAZY OR I MAY HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM ON MY HANDS THAT WILL ESCALATE? IT IS JUST TO HARD FOR ME TO CHANGE EVERYTHING INCLUDING MY PLACE OF RESIDENCE. EVEN IF I DO THAT HE CAN MONITOR WHAT I DO AT WORK.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 11:44pm

Hi Enchantress, welcome -


Yes, you have a definite problem on your hands.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2003
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 1:46pm
Go to the police immediately! Tell them what you suspect and what has been happening. If it happens again and you are aware of it, call the police right then. Cease all contact w/ your ex...its time you both move on. And most importantly...CHANGE YOUR LOCKS! Change the locks in your house...even add an additional deadbolt w/ a completely different key than the other locks (I have done this and I feel SO safe)! If you are able to, go see a dealership and see if you can (at least) have new locks/keys made for your car (did he have a key to your car?)! Do everything you can to change this. Also, change your email address and/or your password. Change it to something ONLY you know and make sure its something that cannot be easily guessed by anyone who knows you. Good luck!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 7:37am
I TOTALLY AGREE!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2004
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 11:37am

First I just want to say thank you to all of you for giving me that advice. I've been trying to deal with this situation the best I can I've had alot of support from family and friends my brother has been staying with me at my house. I'm still somewhat in denial that this is happening but it's all starting to make sense. I should've listened to what he was saying months ago when he said he had an (emotional attachment) to me that says OBSESSION if it gets out of hand. I recently learned as of this week that the man hasn't been at work and will not be for some time, which freaked me out so now I am scared to go to work cause he knows my schedule. I am wondering if he has fabricated some horrible stories about me to the upper management cause they're acting very strange which also scares me too. Since my last post I have decided to get this all on record though and go to law officials I'm just thinking that if a stalker knows they are about to be found out what would it trigger?

Right now I am trying to stay in the presence of as many people as possible and I've recently discovered that my cell phone has been all of sudden not working as it should. I never even thought that this could transpire like it has he's doing everything to show me signs but yet in still remaining hidden. We haven't talked and the last time we had contact about a month ago briefly he said it wasn't healthy if we communicated (unh now I wonder why). I am terrified to leave my place unless I have to so basically I'm living in fear. The sad thing is unless he really shows himself all I can do is stay out of dodge the best I can.

I thank you all so much for the advice again I have never been in this position before in my life it's scary but it is people like yourselves that persuade victims to go the right thing. Bless you all.