Emotional Trauma @ 16 years old
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| Tue, 05-10-2005 - 8:58pm |
I am a sixteen-year-old who has been dating a guy (who used to be one of my best friends) for a year and things have been tough, not just recently, but for the longest time. I feel as though he pressures me into most everything but I refuse to give myself to him, this creates problems, I need some adivce and reassurance as to what I need to do. Im trying to put myself together and break it off, Im tired off putting up with his bullsh!t and I know I want to end the relationship, I just dont know how. Everytime I think I can just break up n get it over with I fall apart, I just cant put myself together anymore and my family feels as though they are losing me. I need someones advice, please lend a word or two.
Sincerly,
sweet sixteen emotionally distressed.

Welcome to the board teen....
If he is pressuring you into having sex with him and you don't feel comfortable in doing that, then it's YOUR choice and YOUR body and you don't by any means have to subject yourself to him.
Sweetie, please tell your parents ASAP.
CL-Blueliner4
Hello Sixteen,
I was in a simular situation with my xbf. He was always talking about sex and trying to pressure me into it. I never gave in to him and I'm so glad I didn't. Of course, that didn't stop him from taking what he wanted from me. So I would advise you to get out while you can. You're not married to him, you have no children together. There are men out there that can treat you as a woman, not a body. That is what you deserve.
If you are afraid to break up with him in person, do it over the phone. Write down what you need to say and ask him not to interupt. Make sure you tell him why you are breaking up with him and make it clear you will not go back with him. Hopefully, that will stop him from pursuing you further. Trust me, you do not want this relationship to go any further.
I understand that you might still care about him and you might feel like you're throwing away a relationship that you've had with him for awhile. He is being selfish to pressure you into something you don't want to do. A boyfriend does not do that to you, a friend doesn't do that to you. It's time to do something that you want to do and in your post you've said you want to break up with him.
Take care of yourself,
girly
Hi teen, I'm glad you found us. The way you phrased your post, it sounds like he's pushing you for sex. I've been there, it was very damaging, and it got even worse after I married the guy. A decent, normal guy who wants YOU, the person you are and not just a nearby body, will back off when you say no. Pressuring is not a small thing. It's a terrible act of control and you deserve better. This isn't about his desire for sex; it's about putting you under his thumb.
I'm going to tell you what no one could tell me: if he has so much as put his hands on your body without permission, that is a crime. There are laws against it because it's wrong and harmful.
As for your being so emotional over this, of course you are. You're in a very difficult place and you need support. Tell the adults in your family what's going on and ask them to get you in touch with a domestic abuse shelter. They often have special services for teens; you'll be understood and heard, not blamed.
You need and deserve to be free of him. If you can't end this yourself, have your parents call his and tell them it's over, or have them sit with you while you tell him over the phone. There's nothing wrong with that.
One more thing: don't talk *with him* about abuse, or domestic violence, or any information you're getting. He will not accept it, will not hear it. These people have a tendency to verbally punish us for calling their behaviour what it is.
Best of luck, hon. If you find you're not able to talk to your family, open the phone book, find a domestic violence hotline, and talk to a counselor. I'll bet they'll be able to help you start that conversation. Take care of you.