At The End of My Rope
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At The End of My Rope
| Mon, 07-31-2006 - 7:11am |
I have been in an emotionally abusive marriage for 7 years. It has been a continuous source of torture for me. I NEVER know when he's going to explode, or become angry and why. He's hasn't spoken to me for over a month. He enters the home and says nothing and he leaves the home and says nothing. He's been sleeping on the soafa since WE purchased a very expensive house. We have a 7 year old daughter and I have a 19 year old son (in college).Las night he became FURIOUS because I depositied 3/4 of my payroll check into HIS account instead of the full amount for which he says I owe to pay the bills. We are supposedly sharing half of the bills. The problem is that HE has 3 cars, he doesn't help at all with our daughter, he claims her on his W-2, my bills are my bills,and his bills are ours.Last night he threatended to leave the home leaving me with a brand new house and an extremely high mortgage that I CAN'T afford alone.I am at the end of my rope. Please help me.

Not only is my concern for your mental peace but what this is doing to your daughter. She's learning by example as you are afraid of a man who is supposed to love and protect you.
Let him threaten with the house. His credit will go down the tubes too, not just yours. And, losing a home isn't the worse thing that can happen to you. Losing yourself in a marriage is worse. Feeling bad about yourself is worse. Being afraid as you wait for the other shoe to drop is worse. Having your soul and spirit die, bit by bit, piece by piece, every single day is worse. Having nothing left of yourself but an empty shell is worse.
You need to ask yourself what, exactly, you are getting out of this marriage and be honest with yourself. Write it down. Compare the pros and cons. It sounds like a hell on earth to me.
I agree with another poster who said let him threaten.
I don't mean to be suggestive, but it sounds like he's emotionally detached from your marriage. Have you considered if he has something going on outside of the marriage? Is he a generally depressed person and seem fed up with life? I have someone in my neighborhood like that who slams his car doors unneccessarily to the point where they might fall off, drags himself when he walks, throws the stroller of the baby against the car before putting it in, throws the car seat in the back instead of buckling it in place, and he just seems fed up with life. I feel so sorry for his wife and i don't even know these people.
Let me tell you, money and having a home mean NOTHING.
Better to live in an apartment and feel safe and happy with your daughter, and not feel guilty about helping your son out, than to be with a home and have the whole mortgage threat thing hanging over your head, not to mention the emotional abuse.
I'd start trying to converse with him and talking about these things because he is just going to continue the behavior.