end result other than leaving?new,long

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
end result other than leaving?new,long
7
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 3:24pm

I am 30 yrs old,pregnant with my 21 year old hubbys first child,I have a 7 yr old dd by another marriage!


I know about abuse of all kinds,I was in a relationship when I was a teen,where my bf broke my knee,kicked,hit punched and beat me often! along with the verbal mental stuff too,my ex hubby,my daughters father,slapped me and shoved me and cheated on me,we split up and almost 2 years later I remarried!


I always noticed my new man had a temper,he would get mad @ things and cuss,huff and just gripe about things,he didnt turn it to me though,well we got married and he has done things,he has shoved,grabbed,squeezed,shaken,restrained me and grabbed my neck and held me down on the bed so he "could get his point across"!


he insults things I like/love such as music,movies,books hobbies,he does things he knows I dont like,such as porn on the computer very often,and lies and says he wasnt,it was all those horrid pop ups! when we have sex,the majority of the time it is what I call porn sex,always rough or kinky,not anything emotional! he shows interest in other females,such as saying do you think she looks good? or I like that chics shorts etc...


he has packed his bag often and threatened to leave on several occasions,he has punched a wall and a door leaving holes,he slams doors and yells and cusses!


he seems to do this mostly when my dd is with my parents,and the 2 or 3 times she has been home she was asleep in her room at the far end of the house,she sleeps with her tv on,plus we have ours on,so she never hears it! he never does these things infront of anyone......he is the guy everyone loves,the typical jock in school,all the girls in our town drool over him,Im much older so it really sux for me!all his buddies think he is "the man"!


the good things,when he isnt acting like that,he shows me a great amount of love and we have fun together,we do family things together with my dd! she adores him,he is SUPER wonderful to her and I doubt there could be a greater father! he is absolutely amazing with her! he has given us more love and care than we have ever had! we own our own home,never before have I owned a house! he painted my dd's room her favorite color and accesorized it wonderfully with things she wanted,pillows and canopy,pictures etc....


he lets me decorate our house however I want and I love our home! I adore him and love him so much,he just has such an anger issue! when he was 17 he was in a bad car wreck and had alot of injury to his head,his parents however let him refuse treatment and xrays,catscans etc...so no one knows how much injury was done internally????? Ive read alot about head trauma and some of it sounds so familiar,yet I dont know if his anger is caused by that,or if he just is who he is?!


he realized a few mnths ago he had a problem,he went to a therapist and the guy was a quack,he was no help at all and has soured my husband on therapy!!! he was always asking my husband how he thinks he is,what he thinks he needs to do,why he feels he is this way,but never offering advice on how to fix these things,get over the things that make him angry!! so now hubby just doesnt want to see another shrink....


I as I said am pregnant,4 months along,last week he got mad

Proud mom of Madalyn,age 7,wifey 2 Don and waitin on baby!!!!

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 3:36pm
went over the checklist,my number was 57............

Proud mom of Madalyn,age 7,wifey 2 Don and waitin on baby!!!!


Proud mom of Madalyn,age 7,wifey 2 Don and waitin on baby!!!!

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Thu, 08-05-2004 - 1:44pm
ANYONE?

Proud mom of Madalyn,age 7,wifey 2 Don and waitin on baby!!!!


Proud mom of Madalyn,age 7,wifey 2 Don and waitin on baby!!!!

 

 

Avatar for smoothone2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Thu, 08-05-2004 - 2:27pm
I wish i had some other answers for you. I know u don't want to hear Leave him but personally myself I would say leave him None of us deserve to be treated this way. I however am in no place to tell you what to do as I am still with my abuser. Please keep posting here and stay safe. I am worried about you being pregnant and all. Call the National DV hotline and talk to someone there. And keep coming back to the board I know this board has helped me a lot! I am sorry I couldn't help you anymore but Please call the DV hotline and keep us posted here on the board. God Bless!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Thu, 08-05-2004 - 4:29pm
Sweetie, my heart goes out to you. I can tell you are hurting very much - and that you are emotionally torn.

I think you already know what is best for you, your daughter, and your unborn child.

Your husband is disturbed. He is not normal. He is abusive.

Please, begin to plan a future without him. This will only get worse. I know you say he treats your daughter well. Please think of how tramatized your daughter will be once she observes one of your altercations. I know you said she hasn't yet, but it will only be a matter of time before it happens. This type of home life is extremely damaging to childrens self-esteem. You are not doing your daughter any favors, and, in the end - she'll probably resent you for having stayed and raised her in such a dysfunctional environment. It will only work against you in the long run - if you live that long. Eventually, he will turn his anger on your daughter and your new child - they always do.

Stay strong and believe in yourself. You do not deserve to be treated in this manner. And, your children do not deserve to be raised in such a disturbed household.

No one has the right to treat another human being like this - NO ONE.

Also, please try not to anger him - keep to yourself, focus on yourself, your daughter and your prescious unborn child. And - plan to leave.

I will keep you in my prayers - and, please, keep posting.

- meaningoflife

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 08-05-2004 - 6:23pm

Hi April and welcome -


I do a majority of my posting from work, and my office has been extremely busy this week.


I want to start off by addressing the counselor/therapist:


He was doing what he was supposed to be doing.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 6:01am
Hi April

I am right there with ya! My first boyfriend/husband was abusive to me and the kids. Now my second/current husband is. I am getting a divorce SOME day.....

I have been doing a lot of thinking about why I choose these men. They possess a quality I lack, a mean side. They don't care what you thik, they say it like it is, they have thick skin and can move on without ever looking back. I wish I could. I can't seem to move on which is why I stay.

Good Luck hon, please be safe.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 9:39am

THANK you all for your replies and the nice way you gave the advice,it was truely from the heart and not hoity toity stuff! lol thank you


its odd,DH says his accident has nothing to do with the way he is,he just says that his father was that way and he has learned it,so its a huge part of him! I am the one who "wonders" about the accident,the dr's did want to do tests but he said NO and his parents signed a waver saying no because he said no,he didnt know what he was doing or where he was! how could

Proud mom of Madalyn,age 7,wifey 2 Don and waitin on baby!!!!