feel sick inside
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feel sick inside
| Wed, 12-13-2006 - 10:57am |
I confronted my partner with the feeling I have that she's cheating on me-already emtionally always on a rollercoaster-she was all lovey and is now furious and angry .....saying I'm crazy and imagining things.
I know I'm not-and even so the trust is lacking-plus she's always "right" or apologizes and I'm just supposed to bounce back. Even if I am wrong wouldn't she be reassuring to me or want to know why I think that? rather than angry??????? I'm so hurt. Plus my cat is ill and may need to be euthanized-I can barely take it.

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C.
Had to change the locks in a previous relationship, empowering yes! You take something of your own back when you do it. It wasn't pretty at 1st, poor DD was young and he knocked for sometime, but I didn't give in and I felt good about it.
Beth,
You have every right to take care of yourself. Sorry about your kitty. I'm glad you'll be able to be there with her. I know it will be hard, but you can handle it cause you're so strong. Prayers.
Carrie
O.K. Ms. C...I thought she was being "Lovey" but now believe she is cold as ice-I can feel it through the e-mail her response was terse and short. It's truly the sign of an abused spouse becausew I wanted to "make it better"-I know, I know.....but I've played this game so long it's automatic.
Plus I feel horribly lonely after putting the kitty [name is Lopey} to sleep. No tuna or salmon...he was hospitalized last night and surgery was today, plus that was one of the issues-not able to eat. . He purred when he saw me and I petted him and was with him when they injected him. I kept petting him and crying until I was worn out. Then cried more on the way home, and more now. I've had a cat my whole life...it's weird not to have him here. When my kids are home we'll get a kitty from a rescue. But for now...my heart breaks....you guys are my life line.
hey Carrie,
Thanks for the prayers. I'm a big weepiness right now.....going to call a friend and get to bed...I feel very unsettled inside. It feels so unreal.
Goodnight, stay safe...
Beth
I'm so sorry for your loss, plenty of hugs from me to you. You mentioned you'll save a kitty when your boys come home, that's wonderful! Just in time for Holidays! You're a loving generous soul. get some rest Beth, take care.
Carrie
Hi Carrie,
Actually may not be for these holidays-a little too soon. But I do have 2 rescue dogs and will definitely find a cat that needs a home....I'm so sad about this one and need to grieve. And maybe I made a mistake....I e-mailed my partner and told her but now she's addressing me Sweetie, and is very compassionate and I won't do it but I'm dying to cuddle and be held-but I know I can't, although oddly sometimes I think "what am I doing and why?'
My sons don't know yet about the changes with her and it feels like my family is being ripped apart-I guess it is. So i got back on-line here cause I felt scared-not of anger or violence but of my own neediness and desire for comfort. I want to turn to safe people. It's a moot point, but why does it have to be this way? But I am beginning to see my own internal damage from the years of garbage-my lack of confidence, my vulnerability, my low feelings about myself at times, and "giving in" when I never was so submissive-to avoid all- night fights. Ignore your rights and they'll go away--I've come pretty damned close.
Now for sure I'll go to sleep. thanks for the nurturing.
Beth
Carrie,
Before I booted my Practice Husband, literally 3 days before, I taught myself how to use a drill and did it myself.
Ironically, I always either answered the door or was first there with my key so he didn't even notice.
When he did, he was furious, demanding the key. I stood firm, looked him in the eye and said, "You don't live here anymore. You don't need a key."
He didn't know what to do and walked away.
I practically crumpled into a ball in relief from the huge hoo-ha didn't come.
I still wonder why!
C.
When my kitties pass, we honor their memory and actually do soothe the loss a tiny bit by adopting another kitty. I adopt adult cats, though, because everyone takes kittens. I try for anywhere from 3 years +. I've never, ever regretted it.
I know this doesn't help your heart, but I had a fire last December. A very long story short, we lost 3 kitties and our Golden Retriever to smoke inhalation. Without my husband, though, we'd have lost everyone (3 other cats and 2 dogs). We were walking wounds.
Two weeks later on PetFinder, no matter what the search criteria, large, small, old, young, declaw, short hair, long hair, special needs, etc., this little orange cat showed up on the top of the list. She looked like a large cat in the picture, which is just fine. I showed my husband how it kept happening and happening. He said, "Go get her." On December 24th I picked her, Kali, up after several Pet Rescue transfers. She was the youngest cat we'd had, turning out to really only be about 2 years old. She spent the entire day on my lap, leaning backwards against me, paws in the air, snoring. She was in honor of our orange boy, Hank, who was my heart of hearts.
We've since adopted Shanti from Best Friends in Utah, and two Rag Doll brothers, Waylon and Willie. We're 7 cats now and another dog found his way into our menagerie. We're up to quota. :)
I am telling you this, because I know the deep grief you're experiencing. It never, ever becomes easier. People just lie to be kind. Keep your heart close and don't let that woman near it. You don't need more wounds today.
I'm thinking of you. Don't know if it helps, but I am with you.
C.
Thankyou C for your support-you're an animal lover and understand. I usually get adult cats too-find strays in the neighborhood....my kitty who just died was living in a dumpster at a Mexican restaraunt and was partly feral-it took me 2 hours to convince him to come close enough so that I could pick him up. I wrote him a letter and clipped a little fur from him. I cry on and off and that helps. I have a friend who owns a farm and lots of people dump kitties out in the country. So I know I'll have another one when it's time.
I'm so sorry for your loss of your pets in the fire-it sounds absolutely overwhelming. Your new cats/dog are truly blessed to have you as their mommy!!!!!
Thanks too for the advice to "keep that woman away from my heart"...she gave me some Chanukah gifts. I felt very detached. When she tried to fight with me I walked away. I can see a look of concern on her face because I didn't go all ga-ga over the gifts. i said "thankuou" and simply wished her aHappy Chanukah. She was shocked. I didn't cry, didn't ask if she has a new lover, didn't tell her I was sad and blah, blah, blah.....I treated her like the cash register person at the grocery store-polite, friendly to a point and detached.
Thanks for being here with me. I'm feeling a lot of emotional pain.
Beth
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