feel sick inside
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feel sick inside
| Wed, 12-13-2006 - 10:57am |
I confronted my partner with the feeling I have that she's cheating on me-already emtionally always on a rollercoaster-she was all lovey and is now furious and angry .....saying I'm crazy and imagining things.
I know I'm not-and even so the trust is lacking-plus she's always "right" or apologizes and I'm just supposed to bounce back. Even if I am wrong wouldn't she be reassuring to me or want to know why I think that? rather than angry??????? I'm so hurt. Plus my cat is ill and may need to be euthanized-I can barely take it.

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Thank you for your message-I'll check out the link...I also have a pet loss support number I can call through the local vet school...I've been journaling, letting myself cry and sending him little messages in my thoughts and prayers. Pets become our family.
I'm sorry for your loss too. 9 years is a long time to have and love a pet and then have it pass away.
Take good care, I hope you're well.
Beth
I'm so sorry to hear about your cat :( That is really tough. I feel for you, I have lost 2 dogs in my life and it never gets easier. Animals become our family. I still get very upset at times about my old dog. My Ex and I had a dog together. He got the dog a few months before we started dating.. but I became the dogs mom. I just miss him so much at times.. and it's not like I can go and visit the dog, because I don't want to see the Ex! I will eventully get another dog, when the time is right.
Keep you chin up :)
Lauren
Hi Lauren,
I had to give up a dog in my last abusive relationship but it is what it is.
It was heartbreaking. My ex tried to use the dog as a bargaining tool, especially when the dog got cancer. Instead of reengaging with her I sent the dog my thoughts and prayers.
take care Lauren, I always enjoy the wisdom of your posts...
Beth
I sat here yelling, "ooooo! OOOooOOOo! OOOOOO!"
I cannot imagine her confusion at your behavior. Sorry, I was LOVING IT!
These people do not understand apathy. They don't understand a lack of emotion, because they feed on drama. They're like a vortex sucking in and absorbing everyting good to feed the swirl.
I am really proud of you for treating her politely yet as one would a service stranger. I realize it comes from numbness, but tell me. It did give you a little tiny rush noting her confusion/concern, didn't it? A teensy little empowering moment?
I'm glad you're a rescuerer, too. We have this huge need to please and fix, we might as well direct it where we can be truly effective. OK, there are humans we could assist, but we sure don't need to hand our hearts and lives over to those who simply absorb. We all need a little unconditional love, which all these pet babies are so ready to offer.
Right now I have 1 under the table, 1 next to me on the couch, 1 on the table just above her, 2 standing across from me acting like I never, ever feed them, 1 trying to get my attention by mistreating this couch arm, and one on my pillow, lounging. We live in 1 big room right now, while we rebuild. It gets crowded with fur and litter boxes, but we're snuggly. The dogs are outside in this unusual 60 degree weather barking at each other, with the youngest leaping over the older two like a gazelle. We're protected and safe. Life is good. They offer so much to us, don't they?
Lopey will tell you when the time is right for another, by sending that one into your life. It might be sooner than you expect, like with our Kali. It might be that you wake up one morning and you'll have someone sitting on your windowsill. Maybe another hiding at a Mexican restaurant. Maybe someone who is older and has to go into a nursing home, who needs to know their own baby is safe and loved. Lopey will know. Then, you will, too.
One day at a time, girlie. I know it's tough and the grief is unexplainable. Just put one foot in front of the other, worry about yourself rather than your emotional vampire and Be. We are the company we keep, so stay with those friends who are supportive and want better for you.
Have a better one today,
C.
Now? I want some coffee. :)
Hey C.
I just broke up in the counseling session. She sobbed, she cried...the therapist was all caring for her and asking me if I "meant it"-I said I don't know where to go from here or what else I can do. I sat like a hard stone-barely breathing. I said I wish you well and I'd be cordial at the park if we see each other-she acted like "the wounded one"....wouldn't look at me, speak to me or acknowledge much of anything. I feel a bit unsteady-almost like i want to call and take it back...i did say I always have hope but beyond that there wasn't anymore i said.. I left. She wouldn't speak, she stayed to sob-I left feeling like the bad guy.
a cat will come into my life...
I need an internet hug-i can still barely breathe.
beth
Oh, man.
It sounds like she has your ... ummmm ... "counselor" snowed.
Honey, get the heck outta there. I'm glad you walked.
I was thinking about you today.
I was wondering, when in the past you've confronted her about affairs, she's lied, there's been anger and tears, etc., why you bother? Do/did you want her to lie or did you want to be hurt by her actually telling the truth? I was wondering how those questions ever served you?
Anyway, it's rhetorical, since it's not my biz.
You've got my hugs!!
C.
Honestly, I had self-doubt because she was so emphatic and I was so exhausted ...I kept feeling like I could get some resolve one way or another.
It's a good qustion....I suppose it served me by avoiding the pain of a breakup. It kept hope alive, a little teeny spark.
Thanks for the hugs, I need 'em....and hugs back....
Beth
I'm so glad you stood your ground. I'm not surprised she played the victim, since that's been H's last resort as we wait to start court proceedings. Abusers are manipulative and we need to remember that. I've read plenty of posts here about abusers convincing family, counselors, friends that the fault lies with the victim. You know in your heart that she treats you badly.
Lots and lots of hugs Beth! Just look forward to the time you'll have with your boys.
Carrie
Hi Beth,
Big (((HUGS))) coming your way. You did do the right thing. Yes, it will be hard for you, I won't deny that. But you did do the right thing.. and you are already on your way to healing and getting better. Of course she acted like the victim, they all do!! I actually figured out what type of abuser my ex was and he was 'the victim' barf me! He is so not the victim, but they play that card so well, that we feel like the bad guy. You are not the bad guy, I will tell you a million times, you are the good guy. You did the right thing. You might not believe that right now, but in months down the road.. I promise you that you will feel wonderful and feel great about leaving her. :)
Lauren
Hi Lauren...thank you! And I may need to hear it a million times. it gets so twisted and my insides squish together thinking I didn't do enough. It's amazing. They're like one crummy person who's been cloned. Kind of like there are men, women, and abusers...it's own category.
How long have you been out?
You're a wonderful support and have great words of wisdom.
Beth
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