feel sick inside
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feel sick inside
| Wed, 12-13-2006 - 10:57am |
I confronted my partner with the feeling I have that she's cheating on me-already emtionally always on a rollercoaster-she was all lovey and is now furious and angry .....saying I'm crazy and imagining things.
I know I'm not-and even so the trust is lacking-plus she's always "right" or apologizes and I'm just supposed to bounce back. Even if I am wrong wouldn't she be reassuring to me or want to know why I think that? rather than angry??????? I'm so hurt. Plus my cat is ill and may need to be euthanized-I can barely take it.

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Hi Beth,
You know what, I sometimes still think that I didn't do enough... but deep down I know that I could never ever do enough for my abuser. Nothing would ever be perfect enough! I couldn't even cut up the veggies right... like who cares!!
They are all cloned!! I have heard a lot about abusers being the cookie cutter type, because they are all the same in different ways. Abuse comes in so many different ways, looks, occupations, everything.. but they are the same in the way they abuse.
I started dating my abuser in May '05.. moved in with him in Jan '06. Moved out in July '06 and stopped talking to him completely on October 18th. It has only been 2 months since I haven't spoke to him, but it feels great. Of course I still have bad days and good days.. but the bad days don't happen as much as they used to. I can see now that I did jump in the relaitonship fast with him. In May '05 I was kind of heart broken about some other guy, slept with some other guy and then got involved with Rick right away. I can see now that it moved way to fast and I was not ready for a relationship... but abusers are attracted to vulnerability... I haven't totally posted my whole story, but I will some day.
Lauren
boy oh boy i get it about the vulnerabilty-when i met partner i was getting out of terribly abusive relationship-i.e. she was a law student and when i asked one time what she was studying she showed me the chapter...using the insanity defense after committing a murder, she tried to get my kids removed from me saying i was an unfit parent and stalked me. I had to get a protection order and then we went to court for "menacing by stalking"-the prosecutors office suggested i leave the state but i didn't.
My current partner stood by me, went to all court hearings, held my hand while i literally shook while listening to threatening messages on my answering machine . I thought she was my friend and advocate.....the progression to where we are at now was very slow-almost like i "woke up" and said what the hell has happened. The big awareness was back in march when I sobbed to her that I felt the same way inside that i had felt with first stalking abuser but it was her...I was naive...I thought she'd work on issues. I'd be appalled if a partner called me abusive and would do anything possible to make amends/get help.
I'm so glad you're out. you're an inspiration and constant help to the people on this site...plus your links/book advice is so helpful.
Beth
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