feeling sad

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2003
feeling sad
3
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 2:34pm
Hi, since Sat I have been feeling sad. I have not talked to him since Sat. I have not called him nor has he called me. I don't know why I feel so sad. I mean he was not good for me. He was abusive in every way throughout our relationship but for some reason I still really miss him. I am having a hard time seeing all the wrong he did to me right know. I just keep seeing all the good times. I know deep down inside there where more bad than good but right know I am having a hard time seeing that. It has bee over a month since he has been gone. He has not tried to come back or anything or he did apologize but it was so fake and I thought there was probable a motive for it. I have talked to him here and there. I know I should not because of the RO. But since we have a son I felt obligated to take his calls still. He has not really tried to help out with our son either. When he does call for our son he sometimes he is nice and sweet our times he is down right mean and puts me right back to square one. He know exactly what to say to hurt me. Why do I keep stressing over all this and why I am having such a hard time moving on? He really hurt me by what he said to me this weekend. I am trying so hard not to have any contact anymore. I know everytime I see him or talk to him whether it be a good encounter or bad one I end up either confused or hurt again. I know I need to focus on my son and me and getting us better. When will this hurt and pain go away? I am trying so hard not to think about him but I can not help it. In away I feel that I want him back. Then I start think about it and about all the other times we broke up and got back together. It might be fine for a week or two but he ends up trying to control, manipulate me, verbally abuse me and my son. I know deep down inside I did the right thing but I am having such a hard time because I think I am still emotionally attached to him. Any advise?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
In reply to: crk21
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 3:24pm
Hi, I am feeling the same way, I don't know why we let men do this to us?!?! Only time will heal, but tryin gto get throu that time is hard. I tried to do it and it didn't work, and now we are back together and having a baby in October. I have made a big mistake but I love him with everything I have. Sounds like you too are still haveing these feeling for him. You are a stringer person than I am, I don't think well I know I wouldn't last a day without calling him. You at least have the strength! Keep your head up if you need someone to vent to feel free to e-mail me anytime. mom21980@hotmail.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2003
In reply to: crk21
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 6:01pm
The best advice I have for you is NO CONTACT. Do not call him, do not take his calls. It will get harder and harder the more contact you have with him. This is a known fact for many many many women I know personally and anonymously. It gets easier the longer you stay away. Please believe me.

When you get sad, do something. Have a bath, go get ice cream, rent a funny movie, go for a walk, call a friend and go for drinks, watch Enough, or Sleeping With The Enemy.

Good Luck,

Sarah

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2003
In reply to: crk21
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 6:36pm
You can do this, you can do this, you can do this. I went back 6, yes six times and once after a 7 month break up. I went back even after the manipulation and abuse turned into a black-eye. You will be sad and God only knows why we end up with such an attachment to someone that hurts us so much. I think that there is a fine line between love and hate and most of us operate somewhere in between. The control and the manipulation do create a feeling of need in us when we are in the role of the victim. Kind of like saying, "at least with him, I know what I have and I know what to expect, even if it is bad sometimes." But guess what???? YOU DESERVE MORE THAN THAT!!! Do not let yourself forget that. There are caring men out there that are capable of having a normal relationship and loving you with the same respect that you love them with and eventually you will see this is true.

I finally broke free and I KNOW that you can too. I think when there is not a lot of physical abuse it can make it really hard to justify leaving, but you have done the hardest part. Hang in there, pray a WHOLE lot and have faith in yourself. YOU CAN DO THIS! I promise.