Finally told mom
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| Sat, 05-14-2005 - 3:16am |
Many of you advised me to tell my mother about how my ex had treated me because of the continuous phone calls. I finally did last night. Well, I made her guess until she got it right because I still can't say it aloud. It did not go how I thought it would. Usually after talking to her I feel so much better, no matter what the problem is. But last night I felt more alone than ever.
I told her how he had degraded me and even threatened to kill me and how I never took it seriously until he slapped me. She said, "No wonder you're concerned that he might come out here." Yeah. She told me I had guts to stay with him after he had threatened to kill me and rape me. That only made me feel stupid. Then she told me of the time she had slapped my father (as a joke) and how she would never forget the look of shock on his face. So maybe she can relate more to my ex than to me. It didn't seem to be such a big deal to her which makes me question myself (yet again).
I could do nothing but cry myself to sleep because the thought of going back to him crossed my mind. He was the person I always turned to. He was the one I always talked to. I can't talk to my parents. I have no friends. Whenever I went out with anyone else he would say I don't have time for him and make me feel bad, so I lost what little friends I had. I'm not really a social butterfly to begin with. At the moment, I'm feeling like nobody cares. And I'm not saying this to get you all to profess any kind of emotion for me. None of you really know me. And I'm not saying it to get sympathy. I don't want that. It's just the way I'm feeling. How did you all enter back into society after breaking up with or divorcing your worse half? It seems so easy for some to make friends but it's the hardest thing for me.

Hi girly,
Be patient with yourself and take this time to heal. Getting back into the world is very hard, but don't despair, it will be done.
I was married for 27 years and when I was alone, I thought I would never be able to get back into the mainstream of things again. It's been 18 months now and I am amazed with the changes that transpired. My friends that I have now are truly friends.
He was the one you turned to and talked to because he isolated you from everyone else. So it is very normal for you to feel so alone right now. Use this time to truly find yourself and the great person you are. Many people will never understand what it was like to be controlled by another human being. That's why there are boards like this.
Go slow and it will get better.
Terry
Dear girly424,
I'm sorry that your mom is unsupportive, but I am still with my h and my mother is also not supportive. She cannot understand why I just can't ignore him and blames me for "permitting" him to be this way. She holds it against me that I don't do more with her and my father and sister and just lays the guilt trip on me. I haven't told them that I have started counseling at a DV shelter because there is just no point.
BTW my father is also very controlling but she has been able to find coping strategies to deal with his behaviors. My sister even though I love her can be very controlling in her own way too, so there is always this friction between my family and my h because each want to "control" things.
I understand your frustration, but are you safe enough to be able to go out and do things to help you feel better or do you have any close female friends to turn to? Right now, because I am still in the marriage, I cannot even do any of that.
Girly, are you receiving any domestic abuse counseling or attending a domestic abuse support group?
Mama Harmony