Finished with Flaunter? Update-Help!!
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Finished with Flaunter? Update-Help!!
| Thu, 09-21-2006 - 7:45am |
I posted just a few days ago about my h flaunting a flirtation with an attractive co-worker..well things have really gone from bad to worse....
After getting over the insults hurled in my direction.."Your feelings are wrong".."Your jealousy is stupid and childish"..We were able to have a very productive talk in which I felt he understood my feelings...and realized that the situation DID look inappropriate--even if it was completely innocent. He also expressed his desire for me to completely trust him..and we discussed how we could build/re-build trust in our marriage. SOOOOOO>>I'm starting to feel pretty good..UNTIL YESTERDAY...
He had mentioned he didn't have any appointments...and at my doc appointment I found out it's likely I have preeclampsia(7 mnths pregnant)...Naturally, I tried to call right then 11:00 am...no response..Sent an IM at Noon describing what was going on..no response...So, at around 2:00pm, I sent what is probably a childish IM--saying "Its not like you to disappear...are you okay? I have been IM and calling." Ususally he will respond to my IM or call within the hour--no matter what...
Well at around 3:30, he finally calls..VERY irritated...saying I "had no right to send such a childish, stupid text"..that he was well aware of "what I was implying"..and that he was in a meeting for three hours etc...He says he's sick of my "bad behavior". He then minimized my condition saying "it's so common..and I'm such a drama queen--it will probably turn out to be nothing". I told him the doc is worried about my stress level..then he exploded..saying "I bring all the stress on myself by creating drama"...then he says "If I'm causing you so much stress, why don't you go back to your dumbs*** ex-husband" and hung up. Later in the evening, he approached me--saying He's "getting very tired of my bad behavior"...and that he "doesn't deserve to be treated like dirt".."that I've always been distrustful"..I'm so "childish and juvenile"..I need to "grow up"..I then mistakenly brought up his hurtful comments of late and I got the "If you are going to act so poorly, you have no right to say anything about how I respond"..basically the good old "'you deserve it"....He said he "doesn't have to apologize for his behavior b.c. he's "so frustrated and sick and tired of putting up with me". When I came to bed, he told me to "go sleep somewhere else--anywhere but here." I refused. He then said "well you better just start finding somewhere else to sleep permanently"..then he informed me that our trip to florida next weekend is off. He said.."and you aren't going to florida with me either...you don't deserve it..you are not a nice person..you always think you're just entitled to nice things..gimme gimme gimme...etc".
So........here I am....hardly have slept...I cannot believe I am back in this position again. I know my behavior has been childish at times..etc...but really--he's now ending the marriage AGAIN--FOR THE FIFTH TIME IN THE LAST MONTH OR SO..............The angry me wants to say screw it, pack up, and teach him a lesson...the other part..the sad me...how could he do this to me..pregnant and all....The rational, intellectual part of me says this man is sick. HELP!!!!
After getting over the insults hurled in my direction.."Your feelings are wrong".."Your jealousy is stupid and childish"..We were able to have a very productive talk in which I felt he understood my feelings...and realized that the situation DID look inappropriate--even if it was completely innocent. He also expressed his desire for me to completely trust him..and we discussed how we could build/re-build trust in our marriage. SOOOOOO>>I'm starting to feel pretty good..UNTIL YESTERDAY...
He had mentioned he didn't have any appointments...and at my doc appointment I found out it's likely I have preeclampsia(7 mnths pregnant)...Naturally, I tried to call right then 11:00 am...no response..Sent an IM at Noon describing what was going on..no response...So, at around 2:00pm, I sent what is probably a childish IM--saying "Its not like you to disappear...are you okay? I have been IM and calling." Ususally he will respond to my IM or call within the hour--no matter what...
Well at around 3:30, he finally calls..VERY irritated...saying I "had no right to send such a childish, stupid text"..that he was well aware of "what I was implying"..and that he was in a meeting for three hours etc...He says he's sick of my "bad behavior". He then minimized my condition saying "it's so common..and I'm such a drama queen--it will probably turn out to be nothing". I told him the doc is worried about my stress level..then he exploded..saying "I bring all the stress on myself by creating drama"...then he says "If I'm causing you so much stress, why don't you go back to your dumbs*** ex-husband" and hung up. Later in the evening, he approached me--saying He's "getting very tired of my bad behavior"...and that he "doesn't deserve to be treated like dirt".."that I've always been distrustful"..I'm so "childish and juvenile"..I need to "grow up"..I then mistakenly brought up his hurtful comments of late and I got the "If you are going to act so poorly, you have no right to say anything about how I respond"..basically the good old "'you deserve it"....He said he "doesn't have to apologize for his behavior b.c. he's "so frustrated and sick and tired of putting up with me". When I came to bed, he told me to "go sleep somewhere else--anywhere but here." I refused. He then said "well you better just start finding somewhere else to sleep permanently"..then he informed me that our trip to florida next weekend is off. He said.."and you aren't going to florida with me either...you don't deserve it..you are not a nice person..you always think you're just entitled to nice things..gimme gimme gimme...etc".
So........here I am....hardly have slept...I cannot believe I am back in this position again. I know my behavior has been childish at times..etc...but really--he's now ending the marriage AGAIN--FOR THE FIFTH TIME IN THE LAST MONTH OR SO..............The angry me wants to say screw it, pack up, and teach him a lesson...the other part..the sad me...how could he do this to me..pregnant and all....The rational, intellectual part of me says this man is sick. HELP!!!!

Hi. I am sending you a BIG hug thru the computer right now. There is nothing wrong with you. You are not childish, you are not in the wrong here, you are not the problem in this relationship. HE IS. Please belive me when I tell you this. He is abusive. There is nothing wrong with you no matter what he might say to you about you. Another thing.. Are you really suprised by the way he is acting towards you? Honestly, when I was with my abuser I was sad and hurt when the episodes would happen, but I was not suprised. Deep down I knew there was a big problem, and I was lying to myself.
Put yourself in shoes that someone is coming to you for advise about their relationship. Please analyze your relationship and imagine that it is your best friend in this abusive relationship. What would you tell her? Would you be worried about her with this man? Would you tell her to stay with this man and everything will get better?... It will get a lot worse once the baby is here. Worse, not better.
""So........here I am....hardly have slept...I cannot believe I am back in this position again. I know my behavior has been childish at times..etc...but really--he's now ending the marriage AGAIN--FOR THE FIFTH TIME IN THE LAST MONTH OR SO..............The angry me wants to say screw it, pack up, and teach him a lesson...the other part..the sad me...how could he do this to me..pregnant and all....The rational, intellectual part of me says this man is sick. HELP!!!!""
How could he do this to me. He is sick in the head, that is how he is doing this to you. He is treating you like a child. He is telling you that you cannot go to Florida, he is acting like your father. You are a grown women and you can do what you want. He is trying to control you. He might be charming, funny, caring at times.. but what about all the times that he was mean, terrifying, unreliable, made you feel stupid... etc... I have noticed that ya there might be a lot of great qualities, but do those good qualities outweigh all the bad qualities and all the horrible times with this man. I don't think so. No matter how many good times there was, it is the bad times that count. He does not respect you, he does not care about you or your child. He might at times, but it is the times he doesn't care that really counts.
Hugs. Lauren
"The angry me wants to say screw it, pack up, and teach him a lesson...the other part..the sad me...how could he do this to me..pregnant and all....The rational, intellectual part of me says this man is sick."
The angry part and the rational part are correct; the sad part's feelings are understandable, but they won't help you right now. Lauren is right: the situation will only get worse once the baby is born, and goodness knows it's bad enough right now.
Please protect yourself and your baby by leaving this sick, dangerous man.