first 100 days ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2006
first 100 days ?
7
Fri, 10-06-2006 - 7:44pm

Hi, it's me again. I believe one of you mentioned getting on the domestic abuse main page and read up about what the first 100 days are like after leaving an abuser. . . . Can I get some direction on how to locate it. I guess I feel like an idiot because I cannot figure out how to locate this (I was told how dumb I am for so long. . . ). Anyhow, I am interested in reading about this and need walked through on how to find it.

I appreciate everyone's advice so much. I have been seeing a therapist for a long time and I didn't seem to get the same type of advice I have been getting here and your words really sank in and gave me the strength to break up with my abuser last Friday. Also, by reading what others are going through or have gone through - I saw similar patterns in what I was dealing with and I guess it made it more real to me. I didn't want to admit that it really was abuse. I thought it was me or just something wrong in our relatinship that could be fixed. .

Other than his few attempts to contact me the very next day, I haven't heard anything from him and I am elated! I cannot tell you how many Friday nights of mine that were so stressful and ruined because he would repeatedly disappoint me or provoke a fight. Then when I tried to stand my ground, he would tell me I am crazy and/or a b*tch. It never occurred to him that I had much help getting this way. The last few months were so hard and I kept getting sick, run down, too tired to do anything. I feel like I have a way to go yet, but tonight I actually feel pretty good! I had more energy than usual when I got home from work, did some cleaning, made myself dinner and I feel a bit tired but not like I was hit by a bus tired. some of this pain is starting to subside. I just don't need him to derail me.

thanks again for all your wonderful advice and please let me know how I can find that article. Thank you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Fri, 10-06-2006 - 8:20pm

My apologies for posting w/my hat on ladies...


Here is the First 100 Days and it's located on my website right underneath the red lettering regarding if you're in a crisis situation and underneath the Awakening & Comes the Dawn.

5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Sat, 10-07-2006 - 10:22am
Hi tiredandunhappy. I just read the first 100 days all the way through a few days ago. I am going to read it again. The no contact is so hard for me - I feel like I have been so isolated that now I just don't even know who to hang out with, who to make plans with, etc. Glad to hear you had a good night, I will keep looking for your posts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2006
Sat, 10-07-2006 - 11:58am
I still cannot locate that article, sam_us! Duh! I don't know why I cannot find it. I ust not be looking in the right page or something. I am sorry to hear that you are having a hard time with the no contact rule. I don't know what your circumstances are though. I think in the past I would have had more trouble with it, but the reason that I do not seem to be wavering (yet) is because me and my abuser broke up and got together soooo many times in a 6-year period and when I caught him in two lies this time, it made me determined to get over him. If I contact him, he will take the opportunity to hurt me or make me feel bad. That is how he is. He enjoys seeing me cry, being distraught and seeing me as a "beggar." yet, it will only build him up more, so I refuse to give him that type of satisfaction. the jerk was obviously not happy in our relationship and neither was I. But he was stringing me along until he found someone better. he has done that before and I was devastated. This time around, I took the bull by the horns and left him first, before he found a replacement. If I would have stayed, he would have continued with the abuse and then he would have dumped me AGAIN and I would have felt that same rejection I felt before, along with feeling very foolish - allowing myself to be treated like a doormat just for the sake of keeping him around. Plus I wasn't living him this time. When he cheated and left me the first time around, we had been living together and as hurt as I was, I acted like a beggar and contacted him. I don't know if I will make it 100 days before I hear from him again, but I am certainly going to try. I like the book "it's called a break-up because it's broken." I think that the no contact rule should be in place for our long-term sanity and regaining our strength. I know for a fact that if mine would show up at my door, he would find a way to twist this whole thing around and I would end my day feeling like I must be crazy and there is something wrong with me. I can't bear to have that thought about myself again. Sometimes I can't explain how I feel, but I just feel it in my gut that I made the right choice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Sat, 10-07-2006 - 12:19pm
5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2006
Sat, 10-07-2006 - 9:19pm

Thank you so much! I was able to 'get there' with your link. Many thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 3:25pm

Hi

i'm so happy to hear that you've left your abusive relationship. How are you doing?
I know its hard but hang in there, you're strong and you will get through all this. Just keep posting on the board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2006
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 7:53pm
Thank you so much for checking in with me, I really appreciate it. It will be two weeks this friday since I left my abuser. I haven't heard a word from him but I wonder each day whether it will get to the point for him where he will try and contact me again or whether this whole thing is really finally over. It has dragged on and on for so long that sometimes I would wonder if it would ever really end. It is over but I cannot believe it. My mood has lifted somewhat but I do have moments where I get upset and start to cry again. But I know that time is the best thing to heal the wounds. A woman I used to know stopped in where I work for the first time in years and she kinda looked at me funny and said that I am not as "chipper" as i used to be. and when she left, i thought about it and she is so right. I used to be very bubbly and people liked me. Now I feel like I have been so miserable for so long that I am in a state of depression. I do not want to resort to medication. but I look forward to days where I feel more happy and carefree again. I am hoping that leaving my relationship puts me on the path to better days ahead.