Flaunting Flirtation

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2006
Flaunting Flirtation
2
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 7:56am
Hi...Just needed some advice on how to deal with this....
On Friday, My h started telling me how much he is enjoying working with his new employee,,,that they have been going into the office at around 6am==before everyone gets there--to get "work" done. He then said he would be going into the office on Sunday night--to have dinner and work on the same project. He then just non-chalantly mentioned that she is a very attractive woman. Mind you, I am seven months pregnant and a little insecure...so maybe I'm not seeing this issue clearly. I said I was a little uncomfortable with him spending intimate time ALONE with someone he finds attractive--that some could find it inappropriate/questionable. He said "just because she is very attractive doesn't mean I'm attracted to her"....
He then went into telling me how my feelings are dysfunctional..and it's up to me get rid of this "stupid jealousy"..FAST FORWARD SUNDAY...He wakes up in perhaps the best mood i've seen him in in months...pratically skipping around the house..and of course--maybe wrongly--I assume it is because of his upcoming "work" meeting with said employee. We usually make love a lot on the weekends..and this weekend..NADA...so I asked him if there was a reason we weren't making love as often...He then exploded into a rage..saying I have no right to accuse him of not being attracted to me...that I'm always looking for ways to be miserable...etc etc...He then did not speak to me the rest of the day...showered and got all dressed up and left the house for his "work" an entire hour before he said he was going to--WITHOUT SAYING ONE WORD TO ME. Of course..he also strolled in one full hour after he said he would return and immediately walked upstairs---WITHOUT A WORD. I was angry and went upstairs and said (immaturely) "did you have fun?" well, he said "I was working. and you are totally in the wrong for acting on this jealousy..your feelings are unhealthy and wrong...and you should apologize to me for acting in such a childish, ridiculous way"...he then said "I can't help it if you are so miserable with yourself, but you are not going to make me miserable anymore..I"m just not going to have any contact with you at all until you can start acting normally."
I know the comment I made was juvenile...but am I completely out there for being a little uncomfortable with this????
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 1:42pm

I totally agree with you. I would be very upset if anyone did this to me. He wasn't even thinking about your feelings at all. He was only thinking about himself. Maybe he was even doing this on purpose just to piss you off. I am not sure. But it is not fair. I think anyone would be extremly jealous in your situation. What would happen if you did that to him? I know if I ever did anything like that to my abuser I would be terrified for my life.

Have you been thinking more about leaving him? I know you have heard this a million times, but I am going to say it again. You deserve better than him. You need to leave him for your sake. He is destroying you and you don't even realize it. It will just get worse.

Keep us updated.
Lauren

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 5:14pm
Either he's cheating or he's just rubbing your (understandable) suspicions in your face - those suspicions he helped create.