Forbidden to see family

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Forbidden to see family
6
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 12:34am
Hi everyone, Shellie here. Some of you may remember me, i've only posted a few times. Anyway, my dh forbids me from having contact with my parents. However, i've been working on rebuilding my relationship with them, esp. my mother. So i've been seeing, and speaking with her on the phone, etc. My kids go along too, and really don't understand why were not supposed to be talking to her. Even my stepdaughter really likes her, and she's usually a source of conflict, but not in this case. Well recently the little one let it slip that we'd been in contact with her. My husband flew off the handle asking me "What's going on", and just breathing really hard and staring me down and questioning me over and over. He acts like i'm having an affair or something. I just denied it the best i could, but he has continued to question me about every minor thing over and over again, and he questions the kids the same way. I'm sure if he knew he'd be throwing my things all over the lawn and telling me to leave (he's done that before.)I feel guilty for not telling him the truth, but i'm afraid to, esp. at this point. I don't believe i he should try to keep us from having a relationship with my family, I don't get in between him and his, or even my stepdaughter and hers, and i'm sure it'll have to come out someday, i'm just not sure what to do at this point. Should i just tell him, or should i wait til i'm on more comfortable grounds with my family? Am i wrong for keeping this from him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 10:12am

I do remember you Cshellie and it's good to see you back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 3:23pm

Shellie, he has NO right to keep you from having a relationship with your family.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:03am
Thanks, guys, for your response. I'm pretty sure that my parents are onto him. I know my mother is suspicious of him, years ago she came right out and said so, and that kind of gave him an excuse to say she was causing trouble and she shouldn't be a part of my life. I've noticed that she is careful to call when he is not here. She knows his work schedule, though on rare occasions it does change. In a way, i feel guilty for not being honest with my husband. I'm sure though that if i tell my parents that he is keeping me from seeing them, they'll urge me to take action. It's just kind of scary to step out there into the unknown.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 8:13pm

Isn't it funny how they will allow us to see THEIR family and friends as much as we want but they don't want us visiting with our own family and friends?

Peace and hugs,

Cheryl =)

The minute you settle for less than you

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 7:02pm

cshellie…as far as whether to tell him or keep it from him, I think telling him would put you in danger and it would probably be best not to go that route as long as you're under the same roof with him, though you are in the position that you’re probably going to have to do something since he is going to find out and might do something to prevent escape from him.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

- Maya Angelou

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 9:58am
Hi,

I have recently filed for divorce after living under 27 years of controlling behaviors of all types. My H started trying to keep me away from my parents and everyone else extremely early in the marriage. A week after we were married we went to a party of his friends' (we were from different towns). After we left he looked at me and said, 'See? My friends are nice; not like your stuck-up friends!' I went through years of comments and 'paybacks' to keep me from everybody. It was usually him telling me not to go somewhere. He is more of a sneak. For instance, if the kids and I were going to my parents through the week he'd tell me he was going to a bar. He knew I didn't want him to go so I wouldn't go. I carefully chose to usually see my parents on Sundays. My friends finally got tired of him putting me down all the time and told me they'd rather not be around him. The final straw with me came just a few years ago when he did the same between me and his family. Only God himself knows what my STBX told his family. I actually throughout the years did more for his family than mine and he was jealous because he thought they liked me, I guess. STBX is physically, emotionally abusive, and I do know that he told them that I was! He also told them I was going through the 'change' and had mental problems! Eventually, he went to get-togethers with them and the kids and I weren't invited! The worthless POS!

Anyway, short story: If you stay with him, it's going to get worse and worse. I have been so 'brow-beaten' that I didn't have the energy to get away. There are hard times now; but, honestly, I have been less stressed, more happy with myself, more outgoing, more looking forward to the future than I have in 27 years - I never thought that possible. My DD has always been kind of 'withdrawn'. I've had people comment to me how they've seen her 'bloom-out' in the last month since her dad has been gone. She even talks to adults now! I look forward to the future. I know it as to be better than what I've lived with. He had absolutely no right whatsoever to do what he did to me.

Hugs,

Jackie