found out whole relationship was a lie..

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2003
found out whole relationship was a lie..
4
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 7:12am
Since we broke up it has been a back and forth thing with me and him. First he wants to talk to me and crys about how much he loves me then he doesnt want anything to do with me. I know I should not take his calls but I did and wish I didnt ever pick up that phone. He tells me that if I would just kick my roomate out, who according to him is the root of our problems, everything would be fine between us and we could be a family. Since I cant do this he is not going to see me at all because he will not come over when she is there. A light bulb clicked yesterday inside me. I asked him if he loves me so much then why cant he just go out somewhere or hang out somewhere else with me. He said no he does not want to go to dinner or hang out anywhere because I have a kid. (I know I have a kid and was going to meet up with him after he went to sleep.) He tells me no. I am thinking and thinking then I asked why is it that I never hang out with you and your friends and why is it that the only time you want to see me or hang out is when you come to my house? He tells me that his friends hate me. What? I dont even know them and have only met a hand full of them anyway a couple times. How can they hate me if they dont even know me and why am I sitting her listening to this crap? Then he gets a phone call on his cell and he answers it while still on the phone with me. I can here him say hi talking sweet then saying that he is on the phone with me and then he says no it is not like that and then says I will call you back. What? I then asked who it was and he says this girl who is one of his exgirlfriends. I started flipping out because why is he calling me trying to work things out and talking to his ex saying it is not like that. He told me if I would just kick out my roomate again that none of this would be happening and he wouldnt do that. I am still thinking I am so dumb and what the he** am I doing . He then had the nerve to ask me for money and said why cant you just do as I say. I was so pissed off. I said I had to go. Then I thought about this all afternoon and decided again I really need to stop talking to this pig that he is just tearing me down. I turned his phone off and of course he tried to call for a little while then stoped after I didnot answer. Then I hear last nite from some mutual friends that he was talking to another girl for the first 5 monthes of our relationship telling her what to do and where to go acting like he loved her and she was the only one. Then all the sudden stoped calling her out of the blue last fall. This girl told my friends that the girl he was talking to on the phone yesterday is one of the many girls he has in his pocket and can see anytime that he wants too and that she seen my car outside of this girls house last sept too. So basically he was cheating one me the whole time with countless amount of girls and lying to me. I sat at home like an idiot listening to him, getting choked, slapped, punched, grabbed, got countless bruises, yelled at by him, could not do anything while he was out sleeping with other girls. He made me feel so bad about having male friends making me cut all contact with them while he had been sleeping around. He has done so much damage to spirit that I am so lost right now. I so wanted to call him up last nite and even know to give him a piece of my mind. I am not though because he is going to ly and say something to make me feel like I am crazy for thinking that and he did nothing wrong because I really truly think he is sick in the head. He used and abused me but I am going to be ok. I am going to try and keep the no contact rule and I have an appointment tomorow to see a domestic violence counciler to help me learn how to love and respect myself and to help me make the right decisions in my life. This is the 2nd man who put his hand on me and the 2nd one was worse than the first. He was way more physyically violent and controling and if I dont stop it I think he is really going to end up hurting me. I need time to heal. Thanks for you support.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2002
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 3:38pm

I posted a previous message but wanted to add that this is a life and death situation. Regarding your life, your health, and your sanity. The bottom line is, if it is unhealthy, Get Out! Trust me, you will feel much better. You may experience some times of sadness but it is all part of the process of letting someone go. You need to continue posting because it sure as heck helped me. I think I have the record of the longest running posts. I know one was up to 300 and another was up to 200 posts. Without the care and love of the posters I would still be with my past ex abuser boyfriend. I am still dealing with trying to live in a healthy relationship and I strongly recommend you see a counselor regarding this instead of do what I do and bring the pile of crap in your new relationship. It will be a lot easier on everyone if you do. Good luck.

~Live to be happy~Be happy to live~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Wed, 05-03-2006 - 4:06pm

Big hugs, crk.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 4:31am
KEEP NO CONTACT & definatly keep that appt! GOOD LUCK! Its not just YOU you must do this for, but for your CHILD!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 11:47am
Sadly, this behavior is pretty common too. I think it is a GREAT idea to go see the counselor. S/he can help you put this into perspective.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com