Freshly Ex'd BF Coming to my Job

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2004
Freshly Ex'd BF Coming to my Job
10
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 10:39am

Hello ladies,

I have a quick question. I posted a couple of weeks ago under 'How do I leave?' Well, I broke up with my BF last night. An event punctuated by threats, epithets, and some violence (kicks, hits, general in your face posturing). My question is around what constitutes stalking? If someone comes to your job and you don't want them there...does this count? He has 'threatened' to come to my job at 2 pm (eastern time)and ask questions re: my friendship with a male co-worker among other things. I am not sure of whom though he mentioned the guards...maybe he will be slick an surreptitious about it or maybe overt. He said 'tell me everything there is or it may be as embarrassing for you as it was for me'. He worked here 3 years ago and still knows a couple of people. One (a woman that liked him) e mailed him months ago to 'report' that it appeared that I was holding hands with this friend (total falsehood) and to say she 'thought we (BF and I) were dating'. Anyway, any thoughts or resources anyone can point me to? A girlfriend in whom I am confiding has told me to tell the guards he may be coming and that I don't want to see him. I find this prospect humiliating esp. since he may not be that forthright about his 'questioning' and may not be seen at all- maybe will meet a friend outside the building or something. I don't really know. Things did not end well last night as I said so don't know what to expect but am generally horrified at the thought of him coming up here. Here is his e mail to me this morning at 7:30:

Sent: Wednesday, June 08, 2005 7:27 AM
To:
Subject: I know the M.O.

Whenever you feel cornered with something and is going
to come out, you run, whenever a lie is about to be
uncovered your solution is to run. I am slowely find
out that your telling me that you told others about my
going to Iraq is not true. Before, I start my
questions today, please tell me evrything I need to
know. I am coming to the XYZ building at 200pm today, cause you
stated that you told others we broke up cause it was a
relief. I do not buy! Tell me everthing I need to know
now or I will find out and it may be as embarrassing
as you have been to me.

Any help is welcome.
peace&thanks
Butterflie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 11:37am

Please DO NOT let your guard down on this guy.

5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 11:40am

Since you said that there was physical abuse and threats made last night, I would suggest applying for a domestic vilence restraining order. In my state, there is a special section of the district courts that deals soley with issuing and enforcing these RO. Also, I would encourage you to make a police report about what happened. The restraining order, however, will order him to stay away from you, your residence, and your place of employment.

My prayers are with you. Please watch your personal saftey.

LAF

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 12:09pm

Laflaw is right, you need to get you an RO, I forgot to put that in my

5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 1:07pm

I have to agree with Wish and LAF.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2004
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 2:27pm
Hi, I realize I am probably posting this too late, and he may have already shown up to terrorize you at your workplace, but please don't see protecting yourself by telling your boss and the security guards about this as humiliating.
What's humiliation compared to potential injury or death?
The guards are there to protect employees. Take advantage of that. And notify the cops too. This guy sounds nuts.
I'm sending protective vibes your way...
--Fran
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2004
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 4:25pm

Hello ladies,
Thank you all for your advice and concern earlier. I'm sorry to drag you into my drama as it turns out that is exactly what it was. Apparently my EX created that entire manipulation to 'teach me some lessons'. I am exhausted and had a very nervous and unproductive day. I think he thinks it is the platform for us reuniting...though I don't really understand what the hook is. I just have to keep him away and hope he understands that this is super dysfunctional and i can't go on like this.

Do you know last night he had the gall to say that he is not ashamed of hitting me? He used to be but he sees no difference between us outside hormones etc. and if i hurt him (emotionally) he will hurt me (physically). He also had the gall to tell me that violence against women has gone up 400% since feminism. I don't know if that is true but apparently he seems to understand that dynamic if it is true. All the male egos that got crushed in the feminist tide...yea it makes sense but is no less outrageous.

Just wanted to let you all know that I am okay.

B~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 4:28pm
Well thank God you are OK.
5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2004
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 4:36pm

Thank you -
I am going to look into the RO...doesn't make sense but that makes me
sad to have to do that!

I will let you know how things go.

thanks,
Butterflie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 4:48pm
It might make you sad that you will have to follow thru w/it, but it makes sense in ORDER TO PROTECT YOU from him.
5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 5:32pm

While having to look into an RO may be sad in the short term, a lot of people would be sad and angry in the short AND long terms if he were to hurt or kill you.

CL-Blueliner4